| With infertility struggles on the rise, more hopeful | | | | adoption, internet birthmothers must provide proof |
| parents are turning to the internet for help in building | | | | of pregnancy, are screened, and are given resources |
| their families through adoption. African American | | | | to help them throughout the adoption process. These |
| couples and women who are facing infertility are | | | | resources include optional counseling, and |
| logging on to their computer to find resources to help | | | | opportunities to speak with an attorney free of |
| them adopt. | | | | charge |
| Expectant African American women seeking adoptive | | | | . |
| parents for their children have increased drastically in | | | | These services are offered regardless of where the |
| the last year, even though the African American | | | | birthparent lives. If the birthparent would like even |
| community has historically been opposed to the | | | | more privacy, these services can be offered over |
| option of adoption. Opponents of adoption often | | | | the phone. Many African American birthmothers face |
| state "We take care of our own," and "We don't | | | | immense pressure from family and friends to keep |
| believe in having anyone outside of our family raising | | | | their babies, so outside support and help is very |
| our own flesh and blood." However, this too has | | | | important. |
| been quickly changing, as the internet is opening | | | | In a recent interview, a social worker gave the |
| many new avenues for adoption. Women access the | | | | following information: "Statistics show that in the US, |
| websites from a library or a friend's computer if they | | | | there are over 500 thousand children in foster care. |
| don't have their own. | | | | The majority are African American or biracial children. |
| In the past, if a young woman was not ready to | | | | Approximately 100,000 of these are waiting to be |
| parent, she just "got ready." Adoption was not an | | | | adopted. Because the number of children entering the |
| option to her as a African American woman. The | | | | foster care system is so great, the children can't be |
| pressure from family and friends was just too great. | | | | processed quickly enough. So, they are being placed |
| She and her family would often raise the child | | | | in overburdened foster care programs." |
| together. Many African American grandmothers are | | | | Many state and county adoption programs have so |
| involved in raising their grandchildren; however, some | | | | many hoops to jump through before a child is |
| are unable to raise them because of poor health or | | | | available for adoption. Even if the assigned social |
| finances. | | | | worker knows that the best interest of the child |
| Birth mothers now have many choices in adoption, | | | | would be to have them in a permanent adoptive |
| and are making decisions for the good of their child | | | | home, their hands are tied with red tape for months |
| and for themselves, instead of relying on their | | | | or even years . Children that could have been |
| families. This marks a new view of adoption for | | | | adopted immediately as infants become older, often |
| African American birth parents. | | | | with more problems, making it harder for some to be |
| Shauna was 19 when she became pregnant for the | | | | adopted. |
| first time. "I felt terrible. I was raised in the church, | | | | Some websites are trying to help alleviate this |
| and my mother raised us to get ahead and have a | | | | problem by offering a 24 hour hotline to call. |
| good future." She remembers the conversation in her | | | | Birthparents and hospital social workers are now |
| mother's kitchen. "Mom, I want to finish college," | | | | given the option to call whenever the baby is born. |
| Shauna pleaded. "I want a career; I want more than | | | | Their child is adopted immediately, going home with |
| you have. I'm not ready to be a mother." Her mother | | | | the adoptive family from the hospital, and avoiding |
| slapped Shauna and left the room. She was asked to | | | | foster care altogether. "When we receive a call in the |
| leave the house, and that's when she decided to look | | | | middle of the night from a birthmother or social |
| at adoption. "None of my family supported me, and I | | | | worker, we are able to help them the same day. |
| knew I wanted to do more. I knew I couldn't take | | | | Birthmothers can speak to pre-screened adoptive |
| care of a baby either. Adoption was the best answer | | | | families on the phone," says Heather Featherstone, |
| for me". | | | | Director of Adoption Services at Lifetime Adoption. |
| As more African American women start to attend | | | | Once the birthmother has chosen a family, she has |
| college away from their families, they do not want to | | | | the option to meet them, and the baby normally |
| give up their independence to raise a child. Others | | | | goes home with the adoptive family from the |
| have said that their parents have stated "you made | | | | hospital. |
| your bed, now sleep in it," offering no help at all. | | | | Shauna was one mother that felt that this was a big |
| Increasingly, more African American women are | | | | benefit of adoption, "I didn't want to take her home. |
| choosing adoption, even if it means their family may | | | | When I signed the papers, I had a real peace about |
| be upset for a while about their choice. They feel | | | | my decision." Legal and medical expenses are paid for |
| they can live with that in order to give their child a | | | | by the adoptive parents, so there are no expenses |
| good life. | | | | to the birthparents. Since the adoption is private, the |
| Women facing an untimely pregnancy are turning in | | | | process is much more confidential, allowing the |
| larger numbers to the web to find resources, | | | | birthmother freedom to share her plans only with |
| services and support. The internet allows birth | | | | whom she wishes. |
| mothers to research and read about adoption in the | | | | Latisha was in her first year of nursing school when |
| privacy of their homes. This is allowing families and | | | | she found she was pregnant after a one-night |
| birth mothers to work with organizations across the | | | | encounter. She was afraid that her parents would |
| country, such as Lifetime Adoption, which has an | | | | find out about the pregnancy. "I just knew adoption |
| African American Enrichment program, and does | | | | was the only solution," she said. She wanted her |
| more than 120 adoptions every year. | | | | baby to be adopted by a family she chose. She |
| 22 year old Sheila was seeking to relocate out of | | | | found her baby's adoptive family on the internet in |
| state until the birth and then wanted to return home | | | | the privacy of her dorm room. "Not even my |
| to continue her career. She said, "It's no one's | | | | roommate knew about my plans for adoption until I |
| business but mine." Since 1996, internet adoption sites | | | | had chosen the family and was going to meet them. |
| have more than quadrupled. In the past it would have | | | | She even went with me and was very supportive." |
| been difficult for prospective adoptive parents for | | | | Through the internet site she was able to select and |
| example in Michigan to meet a birth mother in | | | | meet a young professional African American adoptive |
| California. Now, with web sites like and adoption | | | | couple. Latisha and the chosen adoptive parents |
| answers are at everyone's fingertips anytime of the | | | | spoke on the phone, met and spent time together |
| day. Birthmothers can read about waiting adoptive | | | | before the birth and at the hospital. "We had a lot in |
| families of all races, view their photos, and read their | | | | common, and that helped," she says. Once the baby |
| online "dear birthmother" letters before speaking to | | | | was born, Latisha planned to let the adoptive mother |
| them on the phone. | | | | hold the baby first in the delivery room. "By planning |
| The site includes the confidential posts of over 200 | | | | the adoption, I was aware of what to expect," she |
| birth mothers of all ages who are seeking adoptive | | | | said. "It confirmed my decision when I saw them |
| families. Many of them are African American women. | | | | holding their new baby. Even though I gave birth to |
| Lifetime states "it is not uncommon for a birthmother | | | | him, I knew they were his parents. I didn't want a |
| to email or call after finding three families she is | | | | social worker making the decisions about where my |
| interested in speaking to, just from reading their | | | | baby was going." |
| profiles on the web site." African American families | | | | Three years later, she receives e-mails, letters and |
| are often matched very quickly. Most birthmothers | | | | photos about her son's life. The family has a web site |
| are requesting married couples with traditional values | | | | where they post current photos of the baby that |
| and some faith in God, with at least one parent who | | | | she can access. It was Latisha's choice not to have |
| is African American. Some women are comfortable | | | | physical contact: "I felt the time I spent with them |
| contacting families of another race, as long as the | | | | convinced me that they would love him just as much |
| family has already adopted a child who is African | | | | as I did. I just didn't want to interfere in their life. I |
| American or bi-racial. Other women are open to | | | | am always going to be his mother, they are his |
| families of all races, as long as the family will maintain | | | | parents, and I am okay with that. The photos are |
| the African American culture with their child. When it | | | | wonderful, I know he has a great life, and that helps |
| comes to contact after adoption, many birthmothers | | | | me feel good about my decision. It was hard at the |
| would like to exchange letters and photos with their | | | | beginning and I experienced some depression, but I |
| birth child after they are adopted. Others want little | | | | know that they will share with him the photos and |
| or no contact. Many birthmothers have children | | | | letter I wrote him. If in the future he would like to |
| already, but for others this is their first pregnancy. | | | | meet me, that will be his choice. I am happy for my |
| An adoption coordinator at Lifetime Adoption | | | | son and his new family." |
| commented, "There always seems to be a shortage | | | | The internet and open adoption programs are giving |
| of black adoptive families. Most are chosen within | | | | pregnant women options for their unplanned |
| weeks of being featured on the African American | | | | pregnancy, and an ability to find a family that can |
| website. The need for more black adoptive parents | | | | offer love and security for their child. Their children |
| who can provide a secure, loving and stable home is | | | | will know that their birthmother loved them enough |
| always present." Yet, many families who are open to | | | | to choose adoption for them. |
| adoption are unaware of this need. Websites | | | | For more information adoption on the internet: |
| completely devoted to African American Adoptions | | | | Copyright © 2007 Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. All |
| are helping to raise the awareness of this issue. | | | | rights reserved worldwide. No part of this may be |
| Websites of this kind are great resources for the | | | | copied or sold without permission. |
| African American birthmother as well. As with any | | | | |