| With infertility struggles on the rise, more | | | | provide proof of pregnancy, are screened, and |
| hopeful parents are turning to the internet | | | | are given resources to help them throughout |
| for help in building their families through | | | | the adoption process. These resources include |
| adoption. African American couples and women | | | | optional counseling, and opportunities to |
| who are facing infertility are logging on to | | | | speak with an attorney free of charge |
| their computer to find resources to help them | | | | |
| adopt. | | | | . |
| | | | |
| Expectant African American women seeking | | | | These services are offered regardless of |
| adoptive parents for their children have | | | | where the birthparent lives. If the |
| increased drastically in the last year, even | | | | birthparent would like even more privacy, |
| though the African American community has | | | | these services can be offered over the phone. |
| historically been opposed to the option of | | | | Many African American birthmothers face |
| adoption. Opponents of adoption often state | | | | immense pressure from family and friends to |
| "We take care of our own," and "We don't | | | | keep their babies, so outside support and |
| believe in having anyone outside of our | | | | help is very important. |
| family raising our own flesh and blood." | | | | |
| However, this too has been quickly changing, | | | | In a recent interview, a social worker gave |
| as the internet is opening many new avenues | | | | the following information: "Statistics show |
| for adoption. Women access the websites from | | | | that in the US, there are over 500 thousand |
| a library or a friend's computer if they | | | | children in foster care. The majority are |
| don't have their own. | | | | African American or biracial children. |
| | | | Approximately 100,000 of these are waiting to |
| In the past, if a young woman was not ready | | | | be adopted. Because the number of children |
| to parent, she just "got ready." Adoption was | | | | entering the foster care system is so great, |
| not an option to her as a African American | | | | the children can't be processed quickly |
| woman. The pressure from family and friends | | | | enough. So, they are being placed in |
| was just too great. She and her family would | | | | overburdened foster care programs." |
| often raise the child together. Many African | | | | |
| American grandmothers are involved in raising | | | | Many state and county adoption programs have |
| their grandchildren; however, some are unable | | | | so many hoops to jump through before a child |
| to raise them because of poor health or | | | | is available for adoption. Even if the |
| finances. | | | | assigned social worker knows that the best |
| | | | interest of the child would be to have them |
| Birth mothers now have many choices in | | | | in a permanent adoptive home, their hands are |
| adoption, and are making decisions for the | | | | tied with red tape for months or even years . |
| good of their child and for themselves, | | | | Children that could have been adopted |
| instead of relying on their families. This | | | | immediately as infants become older, often |
| marks a new view of adoption for African | | | | with more problems, making it harder for some |
| American birth parents. | | | | to be adopted. |
| | | | |
| Shauna was 19 when she became pregnant for | | | | Some websites are trying to help alleviate |
| the first time. "I felt terrible. I was | | | | this problem by offering a 24 hour hotline to |
| raised in the church, and my mother raised us | | | | call. Birthparents and hospital social |
| to get ahead and have a good future." She | | | | workers are now given the option to call |
| remembers the conversation in her mother's | | | | whenever the baby is born. Their child is |
| kitchen. "Mom, I want to finish college," | | | | adopted immediately, going home with the |
| Shauna pleaded. "I want a career; I want more | | | | adoptive family from the hospital, and |
| than you have. I'm not ready to be a mother." | | | | avoiding foster care altogether. "When we |
| Her mother slapped Shauna and left the room. | | | | receive a call in the middle of the night |
| She was asked to leave the house, and that's | | | | from a birthmother or social worker, we are |
| when she decided to look at adoption. "None | | | | able to help them the same day. Birthmothers |
| of my family supported me, and I knew I | | | | can speak to pre-screened adoptive families |
| wanted to do more. I knew I couldn't take | | | | on the phone," says Heather Featherstone, |
| care of a baby either. Adoption was the best | | | | Director of Adoption Services at Lifetime |
| answer for me". | | | | Adoption. |
| | | | |
| As more African American women start to | | | | Once the birthmother has chosen a family, she |
| attend college away from their families, they | | | | has the option to meet them, and the baby |
| do not want to give up their independence to | | | | normally goes home with the adoptive family |
| raise a child. Others have said that their | | | | from the hospital. |
| parents have stated "you made your bed, now | | | | |
| sleep in it," offering no help at all. | | | | Shauna was one mother that felt that this was |
| Increasingly, more African American women are | | | | a big benefit of adoption, "I didn't want to |
| choosing adoption, even if it means their | | | | take her home. When I signed the papers, I |
| family may be upset for a while about their | | | | had a real peace about my decision." Legal |
| choice. They feel they can live with that in | | | | and medical expenses are paid for by the |
| order to give their child a good life. | | | | adoptive parents, so there are no expenses to |
| | | | the birthparents. Since the adoption is |
| Women facing an untimely pregnancy are | | | | private, the process is much more |
| turning in larger numbers to the web to find | | | | confidential, allowing the birthmother |
| resources, services and support. The internet | | | | freedom to share her plans only with whom she |
| allows birth mothers to research and read | | | | wishes. |
| about adoption in the privacy of their homes. | | | | |
| This is allowing families and birth mothers | | | | Latisha was in her first year of nursing |
| to work with organizations across the | | | | school when she found she was pregnant after |
| country, such as Lifetime Adoption, which has | | | | a one-night encounter. She was afraid that |
| an African American Enrichment program, and | | | | her parents would find out about the |
| does more than 120 adoptions every year. | | | | pregnancy. "I just knew adoption was the only |
| | | | solution," she said. She wanted her baby to |
| 22 year old Sheila was seeking to relocate | | | | be adopted by a family she chose. She found |
| out of state until the birth and then wanted | | | | her baby's adoptive family on the internet in |
| to return home to continue her career. She | | | | the privacy of her dorm room. "Not even my |
| said, "It's no one's business but mine." | | | | roommate knew about my plans for adoption |
| Since 1996, internet adoption sites have more | | | | until I had chosen the family and was going |
| than quadrupled. In the past it would have | | | | to meet them. She even went with me and was |
| been difficult for prospective adoptive | | | | very supportive." Through the internet site |
| parents for example in Michigan to meet a | | | | she was able to select and meet a young |
| birth mother in California. Now, with web | | | | professional African American adoptive |
| sites like and adoption answers are at | | | | couple. Latisha and the chosen adoptive |
| everyone's fingertips anytime of the day. | | | | parents spoke on the phone, met and spent |
| Birthmothers can read about waiting adoptive | | | | time together before the birth and at the |
| families of all races, view their photos, and | | | | hospital. "We had a lot in common, and that |
| read their online "dear birthmother" letters | | | | helped," she says. Once the baby was born, |
| before speaking to them on the phone. | | | | Latisha planned to let the adoptive mother |
| | | | hold the baby first in the delivery room. "By |
| The site includes the confidential posts of | | | | planning the adoption, I was aware of what to |
| over 200 birth mothers of all ages who are | | | | expect," she said. "It confirmed my decision |
| seeking adoptive families. Many of them are | | | | when I saw them holding their new baby. Even |
| African American women. Lifetime states "it | | | | though I gave birth to him, I knew they were |
| is not uncommon for a birthmother to email or | | | | his parents. I didn't want a social worker |
| call after finding three families she is | | | | making the decisions about where my baby was |
| interested in speaking to, just from reading | | | | going." |
| their profiles on the web site." African | | | | |
| American families are often matched very | | | | Three years later, she receives e-mails, |
| quickly. Most birthmothers are requesting | | | | letters and photos about her son's life. The |
| married couples with traditional values and | | | | family has a web site where they post current |
| some faith in God, with at least one parent | | | | photos of the baby that she can access. It |
| who is African American. Some women are | | | | was Latisha's choice not to have physical |
| comfortable contacting families of another | | | | contact: "I felt the time I spent with them |
| race, as long as the family has already | | | | convinced me that they would love him just as |
| adopted a child who is African American or | | | | much as I did. I just didn't want to |
| bi-racial. Other women are open to families | | | | interfere in their life. I am always going to |
| of all races, as long as the family will | | | | be his mother, they are his parents, and I am |
| maintain the African American culture with | | | | okay with that. The photos are wonderful, I |
| their child. When it comes to contact after | | | | know he has a great life, and that helps me |
| adoption, many birthmothers would like to | | | | feel good about my decision. It was hard at |
| exchange letters and photos with their birth | | | | the beginning and I experienced some |
| child after they are adopted. Others want | | | | depression, but I know that they will share |
| little or no contact. Many birthmothers have | | | | with him the photos and letter I wrote him. |
| children already, but for others this is | | | | If in the future he would like to meet me, |
| their first pregnancy. | | | | that will be his choice. I am happy for my |
| | | | son and his new family." |
| An adoption coordinator at Lifetime Adoption | | | | |
| commented, "There always seems to be a | | | | The internet and open adoption programs are |
| shortage of black adoptive families. Most are | | | | giving pregnant women options for their |
| chosen within weeks of being featured on the | | | | unplanned pregnancy, and an ability to find a |
| African American website. The need for more | | | | family that can offer love and security for |
| black adoptive parents who can provide a | | | | their child. Their children will know that |
| secure, loving and stable home is always | | | | their birthmother loved them enough to choose |
| present." Yet, many families who are open to | | | | adoption for them. |
| adoption are unaware of this need. Websites | | | | |
| completely devoted to African American | | | | For more information adoption on the |
| Adoptions are helping to raise the awareness | | | | internet: |
| of this issue. | | | | |
| | | | Copyright © 2007 Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P. |
| Websites of this kind are great resources for | | | | All rights reserved worldwide. No part of |
| the African American birthmother as well. As | | | | this may be copied or sold without |
| with any adoption, internet birthmothers must | | | | permission. |