| Adopted at the age of six months, Joseph was a | | | | re-experiencing for the child, leading the child to feel |
| fussy and sometimes hard to soothe infant. Feeling | | | | threatened, fearful, and overwhelmed in an |
| as though this was just normal infant difficulties with | | | | environment which otherwise may not be threatening |
| the adjustment of adoption, Pat and Robert paid it | | | | to other people. |
| little attention. When Joseph reached the age of two | | | | 10 Keys to Healing Trauma in the Adopted Child: |
| and began to bite the other children in daycare, they | | | | |
| chalked it up to the dreaded two-year old stage of | | | | 1. Trauma creates fear and stress sensitivity in |
| which everyone assumes to be okay. Though the | | | | children. Even for a child adopted from birth, their |
| biting never quite ceased that year, with a few | | | | internal systems may already be more sensitive and |
| modifications, Joseph made it through the year. The | | | | fearful than that of a child remaining with his biological |
| teachers raved about how smart he was. By the | | | | parents. You must also consider the first nine months |
| time he was six, the increasing duration of the school | | | | in which the child developed. These early experiences |
| day seemed almost more than he could bear. | | | | as well could have major implications. |
| Sometimes screaming for hours at a time, Joseph | | | | 2. Recognize and be more aware of fear being |
| would do no work and then would spend the | | | | demonstrated by your child. Be more sensitive and |
| remainder of the day in isolation. Prone to striking out | | | | tuned in to the small signals given such as clinging, |
| when others attempted to soothe him, Joseph had | | | | whining, not discriminating amongst strangers, etc. All |
| now grown accustomed to attempting to runaway | | | | are signs of insecurity which can be met by bringing |
| from the school personnel when his behavior would | | | | the child in closer, holding, carrying, and |
| escalate. On many occasions this would lead to | | | | communicating to the child that he is feeling scared, |
| Joseph being restrained by the security guards, | | | | but you will keep him safe. |
| principal, or coaches. Eventually Joseph began to | | | | 3. Recognize the impact of trauma in your own life. |
| stack up a list of schools attended and suspended | | | | One of the single greatest understandings parents |
| from. By the time Joseph had hit the 5th grade, his | | | | can have is a self-understanding. Research tells us |
| increasingly violent outburst coined with outward | | | | that far more communication occurs non-verbally |
| defiance had gained him two different stays at local | | | | than verbally. Understanding the impact of past |
| residential treatment centers. Not knowing where | | | | trauma in your own life will help you become more |
| else to turn or what else to do, and after failed | | | | sensitive to when your reactions are coming from a |
| attempts at therapy, and more than eight psychiatric | | | | place other than your existing parent/child experience. |
| medications had proved of little benefit other than | | | | Re-experiencing past trauma is common when |
| causing Joseph to appear “zombie-like,” | | | | parents are placed in an ongoing stressful |
| Pat and Robert felt their only other option was to | | | | environment. |
| send Joseph to a boys boarding school. | | | | 4. Reduce external sensory stimulation when possible. |
| Unfortunately, the above story is not an uncommon | | | | Decrease television, overwhelming environments, |
| plight that adoptive parents face. Though not always | | | | number of children playing together at one time, and |
| leading to a disruption or out-of-home placement, | | | | large family gatherings. When necessary that these |
| many adoptive families struggle for years to create | | | | events take place, keep the child close, explain to |
| the peaceful family of which they had dreamed. | | | | him that he may become stressed and he can come |
| Regrettably, one of the main barriers preventing such | | | | to you when needed. |
| family harmony is one of the least understood when | | | | 5. Do Time-In instead of Time-out. Rather than |
| it comes to understanding the plight of the adopted | | | | sending the stressed out and scared child to the |
| child. The barrier is trauma. | | | | corner to think about his behavior, bring him into to |
| Whether adopted from birth or later in life, all | | | | you and help him to feel safe and secure. Internally, |
| adopted children have experienced some degree of | | | | this will then permit him the ability to think about his |
| trauma. Trauma is any stressful event which is | | | | actions. Though time-in is not a time for lecturing, it |
| prolonged, overwhelming, or unpredictable. Though | | | | will allow your child an opportunity to calm his stress |
| we are familiar with events impacting children such as | | | | and then think more clearly. Another effective key is |
| abuse, neglect, and domestic violence, until recently, | | | | to let the child decide how much time-in he needs. |
| the full impact of trauma on adopted children has not | | | | 6. Do not hit traumatized children. Doing so will only |
| been understood. | | | | identify you as a threat. The biblical verse spare the |
| What Science Is Now Revealing | | | | rod, spoil the child speaks to the raising of sheep. A |
| Scientific research now reveals that as early as the | | | | rod is used to guide the sheep and the staff to pull |
| second trimester, the human fetus is capable of | | | | him back into line when he strays. Hitting children, just |
| auditory processing and in fact, is capable of | | | | like sheep, will cause them to become frightened of |
| processing rejection in utero. In addition to the | | | | you and in many instances to runaway or hit back. |
| rejection and abandonment felt by the newborn | | | | 7. There is never enough affection in the world. A |
| adoptee or any age adoptee for that matter, it must | | | | very simple technique for time is the affection |
| be recognized that the far greater trauma often | | | | prescription 10-20-10. Give a child 10 minutes of |
| times occurs in the way in which the mind and body | | | | quality time and attention first thing in the morning, |
| system of the newborn is incapable of processing | | | | 20 minutes in the afternoon, and 10 in the evening. |
| the loss of the biological figure. Far beyond any | | | | Following this prescription of time has proven to have |
| cognitive awareness, this experience is stored deep | | | | a great impact on the most negative behavior. |
| within the cells of the body, routinely leading to | | | | 8. Encourage an IEP in the classroom to develop an |
| states of anxiety and depression for the adopted | | | | understanding of the child’s stress and fear. |
| child later in life. | | | | This may assist in addressing such vital areas as |
| Because this initial experience has gone for so long | | | | homework, playground, peer interaction, lunchtime, |
| without validation, it is now difficult for parents to | | | | and physical education. All are common areas of |
| understand. Truth be told, the medical community still | | | | reduced structure and increased stress. |
| discounts this early experience. Nevertheless, this | | | | 9. Educate yourself regarding the impact of stress |
| early experience is generally the child’s original | | | | and trauma on families. Try not to scapegoat your |
| trauma. From that point forward many more traumas | | | | child for their difficulties, but rather take responsibility |
| may occur in the child’s life. These include | | | | for creating the environment necessary for healing |
| premature birth, inconsistent caretakers, abuse, | | | | his hurtful experiences. There are many resources |
| neglect, chronic pain, long-term hospitalizations with | | | | available. A couple to note are: [ and |
| separations from the mother, and parental | | | | 10. Seek support. Parenting a child with trauma |
| depression. Such life events interrupt a child’s | | | | history can take its toll on the best of parent. Seek |
| emotional development, sometimes even physical | | | | out a support system for occasional respite care, |
| development, subsequently interrupting his ability to | | | | discussing of issues, and the sharing of a meal. Such |
| tolerate stress in meaningful relationships with parents | | | | small steps can go a long ways during particularly |
| and peers. | | | | stressful times. |
| An important aspect of trauma is in recognizing that | | | | In closing, never forget that you are a great parent. |
| simply because a child has been removed from a | | | | During times of stress you won’t always feel |
| traumatic environment, this does not merely remove | | | | like it, but both you and your child were meant to be |
| the trauma from the child’s memory. In fact, | | | | together. Your child will teach you far more about |
| stress is recognized to be the one primary key to | | | | yourself than you may have ever realized without |
| unlocking traumatic memories. Unfortunately for both | | | | him. Give yourself time to refuel, connect, and |
| the adopted child and family, the experience of most | | | | communicate. And finally, a secure parental |
| traumas in the child’s life is that the traumatic | | | | relationship is the single greatest gift you can give |
| experiences typically occur in the context of human | | | | your child. When the parental relationship is secure |
| relationships. From that point forward, stress in the | | | | this will permit the child a foundation to grow from. |
| midst of a relationship will create a traumatic | | | | Copyright© 2006 Dr. Bryan Post. |