Adopting as a Single Woman

The past few decades have brought a previouslychild a father and an intact home. Others will
never seen and a remarkable increase in the numbererroneously point to and cite statistics linking single
of families headed by single mothers. Yet unlike themotherhood to a variety of potential social ills for
stereotypical images conjured up by the generaltheir child. To pursue the consideration and possibility
population of an un-wed, poverty-stricken,of adoption, a single woman may even have to
uneducated, and abandoned young teen or womandevelop newfound courage to conquer her own inner
facing parenthood alone and ostracized, an increasingdemons and alleviate her own previously held
number of successful single well-educatedthoughts and beliefs about adoption.
professional women in their 30s and 40s are arrivingAfter investing so much financially and personally in
at motherhood by choice and through adoption.fertility treatments or traveling around the world to
Advocates note the number of both domestic andfinalize the legalities of adoption, both married and
international adoptions have been steadily increasingsingle adoptive parents may struggle with high
over the last decade. However, compared to theirexpectations and transition to sharing their lives with
married counterparts, citing the process ofa child. Single mothers can feel guilt and shame when
international adoption as less lengthy and thethey long for moments of solitude and the
likelihood of adopting a younger child much greater,independence of their former single lives. Unlike
single women are more likely to pursue internationalmarried couples, where 'alone time' may not need to
adoption over domestic adoption. With domesticbe scheduled or arranged well in advance, single
adoption, birth mothers are more likely to selectmothers often need to make arrangements ahead of
couples over singles for their babies and age is atime and allocate limited financial resources to get
greater consideration with most agencies.their own "Mommy time".
Not unlike their married counterparts who pursueFortunately the Internet, television, and the media
adoption, single women often pursue motherhoodhave raised awareness of the issues single women
citing the same need and desire to love and nurture aface in the adoption process as well as the challenges
child of their own. However, unlike married couples,they may deal with after placement. Furthermore,
the single woman faces the arduous process andthe 24/7 nature of the Internet and the availability of
costs of adoption alone and with the reality she maytremendous amounts of information and resources
end up raising her child alone without a father oron the web specific to single mothers have led to an
partner.increasingly savvy and well prepared prospective
Many single mothers who adopt will openly shareadoptive mother. The successful single mother
although they have chosen motherhood at this pointrealizes it is not a sign of her weakness or an
in their lives; they are not necessarily single by choiceindication of failure to reach out for assistance and
and hope to ultimately parent their child with asupport. Whether via a support group for adoptive
partner. Others are not only comfortable with beingfamilies, her personal counselor or the cyber world,
single but choose to remain single throughout theshe and her newly adopted child are well served by
adoption process and the raising of a child toreaching out and receiving help. As she makes the
adulthood. Faced with the reality of a ticking biologicaltransition into her new role as a mother, the guidance
clock, numerous of them have unsuccessfully pursuedand information gathered from single mothers who
intrauterine insemination with donor sperm &/ortraveled the road ahead of her assists her in
donor egg prior to pursuing adoption as the road towatching out for known potholes and barriers, a
parenthood.benefit for her and her child.
Whereas friends, family, and society may embraceIt is not reasonable to assume all married couples will
the married adoptive couple for rescuing or adoptingstay married, nor should it be presumed all singles will
a child and elevate them to the status of saints,forever remain single. Instead advocates for adoption
single mothers are not always so readily lauded forby single women note an individual's character,
their desire and plan to pursue motherhood throughstrength and potential parenting capacity are better
adoption. Detractors and critics will accuse the singleconsidered in providing a child with an adoptive home.
mother of selfishness for not providing the adoptive