| Most people have heard of Postpartum Depression, in | | | | their feelings. Many adoptive parents don't want to |
| fact it has become widely recognized and accepted. | | | | talk to their adoption social worker for fear of |
| Unfortunately the same can't be said for Post | | | | seeming unfit. After all, they just spent a long time |
| Adoption Depression (PADS), similar to PPD, or the | | | | "convincing" their social workers and others of their |
| "Baby Blues". A survey of 145 parents who adopted | | | | superior parenting skills, wouldn't they look like a |
| internationally found that over 65% of them have | | | | failure if they admitted these feelings? The answer is |
| experienced some form of PADS. While this specific | | | | no. All new parents need support and help and some |
| survey was conducted with only adoptive families | | | | need professional help adjusting to this life-changing |
| who adopted internationally, PADS is not only an | | | | event. Most parents understand that when they bring |
| international adoption problem. PADS effects many | | | | a child into their home their life is going to change, |
| families whether they adopted domestically or | | | | but most do not understand the scope of the |
| through a foreign program. | | | | change until it actually happens. Adoptive parents in |
| Adoptive parents have usually spent years struggling | | | | particular may feel the need to be the "super parent" |
| with infertility and then the rigorous adoption process. | | | | because they asked for this and worked hard to |
| Throughout that time many adoptive parents dream | | | | achieve it! What adoptive parents need to realize is |
| and anticipate what parenting will be like. When the | | | | that parents who have biological children are not |
| reality doesn't match their hopes and dreams, feelings | | | | expected to: return to work immediately, keep a |
| of grief, anger and confusion can occur. This is | | | | neat orderly home, prepare gourmet meals and |
| normal! Adoptive parents have just attained the child | | | | maintain a perfect appearance at all times, and |
| they may have been waiting years for. They have | | | | neither should adoptive parents. Realize that the main |
| been riding the emotional high of this adoption for a | | | | focus in the first few weeks is to bond with the child |
| long time. Now that its complete, feeling "let down" | | | | and everything else is secondary. New adoptive |
| or an emotional crash are very common. Think of it | | | | parents can prepare and freeze meals ahead of time |
| like any big event that requires a lot of planning, a | | | | so they don't have think about that during their |
| wedding for example. You plan sometimes for a year | | | | attachment period, hire a cleaning service, do |
| and then after the wedding comes and goes there is | | | | whatever is needed to help free up time and relax |
| nothing more to plan. The dream is fulfilled and many | | | | and focus on bonding with the child. If things become |
| people become anxious or "down". The same feelings | | | | overwhelming, which they sometimes will, they can |
| can be experienced post adoption. | | | | hire a baby sitter, take a walk, spend some alone, |
| A big problem is the acknowledgement of PADS. | | | | time with a spouse, or take a bath. Adoptive parents |
| Many adoptive parents, particularly adoptive mothers, | | | | need to take care of themselves as well as their |
| may have these feelings and try to ignore them and | | | | child. When parents take care of themselves they |
| "tough it out". They may experience feelings of guilt | | | | are taking care of their child by providing them with a |
| because they aren't elated and thrilled now their | | | | healthy capable parent. |
| dreams of adopting a child have come true. Some | | | | Preparing for the feelings and emotions of new |
| adoptive parents feel guilty because they don't feel | | | | parenthood will help families survive it. Asking for help |
| that "instant" connection or bonding that they believe | | | | does not make adoptive parents failures, it makes |
| a birth parent would have with their child. This may | | | | them human. Adoptive parents could experience |
| lead to feelings of frustration, anger and confusion. | | | | frustrations, surprises, and setbacks with their new |
| What adoptive parents must realize is that bonding | | | | child. Celebrate if there aren't any. Before adoptive |
| with a child is a growing process. It usually doesn't | | | | parents bring home their child they should take |
| happen instantly, parents and children both have to | | | | parenting classes, read up on attachment issues and |
| get used to each other and get to know each other. | | | | join an adoption support group. All of these help bring |
| This is why it is so important to schedule time off | | | | more confidence to new parents and allow them to |
| during the first few weeks after the child is brought | | | | relax. Most importantly they should remember to |
| home. Spending time together is what builds that | | | | arrange for time to adjust to the new status as |
| bond. | | | | parents. Bringing a child home is the highlight of ones |
| It is also important that adoptive parents talk about | | | | life. Relax and take some time to enjoy it! |