| Several million children in the United States today are | | | | In many families the main problem encountered |
| adopted and there is little doubt that adoption | | | | centers on the simple fact that the child is adopted |
| presents parents with a unique challenge. However, | | | | and this can often place an artificial barrier between |
| like everything else in life, if you meet this challenge | | | | the parents and the child which the parents |
| head on and overcome it then the rewards can be | | | | themselves erect. Many parents wrestle for years |
| very great indeed. | | | | with the problem of whether they should tell their |
| There are currently some 128,000 adoptions in the | | | | child that he or she is adopted and, if so, just when |
| United States every year and, while this figure may | | | | they should tell the child and how. Many parents also |
| seem to be small, over the years this means that | | | | fear that telling the child may damage the relationship |
| about 1%, or several million, children in the United | | | | which they have spent many years establishing. |
| States today are adopted. | | | | The truth of the matter is that biology has very little |
| No two parents' experience of adoption will be the | | | | to do with parenting. If you tell your child that he or |
| same of course but, for many, adopting a child is a | | | | she is adopted and this results in difficulties then, |
| long and difficult process, both in practical terms and | | | | more often than not, this has much more to do with |
| emotionally, but it is also the fulfillment of a dream. | | | | your role as parents than it does with the fact that |
| Thankfully much of the stigma formerly associated | | | | the child is adopted. |
| with adoption has now disappeared, which is of | | | | Keeping the fact that a child is adopted a secret can |
| considerable help to both adopted children and | | | | also present very real dangers because if children |
| adoptive parents. Nevertheless, bringing up adopted | | | | discover unexpectedly that they are adopted, |
| children can still present parents with some unique | | | | especially if this knowledge comes from somebody |
| and very challenging problems. | | | | other than an adoptive parent, this can often cause |
| In many cases the problems presented by raising an | | | | considerable emotional upset which can be extremely |
| adopted child are very real, but often they are more | | | | difficult to remedy. |
| imaginary than real. Take for example the problem of | | | | The bonds that develop between children and their |
| heredity in relation to medical problems. Just how | | | | parents can develop very quickly and can become |
| important is it to know that your child might be at | | | | very deep and this is equally true whether we are |
| greater risk from certain medical conditions? | | | | considering the bonds between parents and their |
| Statistically of course the chances of this happening | | | | natural children or adopted children. Indeed, there is |
| are low but, even if your child is at risk, what are the | | | | an argument that the bonds which develop between |
| real consequences of this? With good medical care | | | | children and their adoptive parents can be especially |
| and regular checkups most problems will be picked up | | | | strong as the simple fact that a child is adopted |
| and dealt with and whether or not the child inherited | | | | sends a strong message to the child that he or she is |
| the condition is often largely irrelevant. | | | | both loved and wanted. |
| Previous bad parenting, and especially abuse, in an | | | | While there is no doubt that adoption does present |
| older child on the other hand can present very real | | | | some unique challenges for parents the rewards from |
| problems for adoptive parents, although it is often | | | | parenting an adopted child can be immense and, as |
| surprising just how small a part past experiences play | | | | with anything in life, the fact that you have to work |
| in a child's life once he has settled into his new home | | | | a little harder for something makes the joy of |
| and a reasonable level of trust has been established. | | | | success that much greater. |