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Article #83: Parenting - Adoption And The Challenges Which It Poses

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Several million children in the United established.
States today are adopted and there is In many families the main problem
little doubt that adoption presents encountered centers on the simple fact
parents with a unique challenge. However, that the child is adopted and this can
like everything else in life, if you meet often place an artificial barrier between
this challenge head on and overcome it the parents and the child which the
then the rewards can be very great parents themselves erect. Many parents
indeed. wrestle for years with the problem of
There are currently some 128,000 whether they should tell their child that
adoptions in the United States every year he or she is adopted and, if so, just
and, while this figure may seem to be when they should tell the child and how.
small, over the years this means that Many parents also fear that telling the
about 1%, or several million, children in child may damage the relationship which
the United States today are adopted. they have spent many years establishing.
No two parents' experience of adoption The truth of the matter is that biology
will be the same of course but, for many, has very little to do with parenting. If
adopting a child is a long and difficult you tell your child that he or she is
process, both in practical terms and adopted and this results in difficulties
emotionally, but it is also the then, more often than not, this has much
fulfillment of a dream. more to do with your role as parents than
Thankfully much of the stigma formerly it does with the fact that the child is
associated with adoption has now adopted.
disappeared, which is of considerable Keeping the fact that a child is adopted
help to both adopted children and a secret can also present very real
adoptive parents. Nevertheless, bringing dangers because if children discover
up adopted children can still present unexpectedly that they are adopted,
parents with some unique and very especially if this knowledge comes from
challenging problems. somebody other than an adoptive parent,
In many cases the problems presented by this can often cause considerable
raising an adopted child are very real, emotional upset which can be extremely
but often they are more imaginary than difficult to remedy.
real. Take for example the problem of The bonds that develop between children
heredity in relation to medical problems. and their parents can develop very
Just how important is it to know that quickly and can become very deep and this
your child might be at greater risk from is equally true whether we are
certain medical conditions? Statistically considering the bonds between parents and
of course the chances of this happening their natural children or adopted
are low but, even if your child is at children. Indeed, there is an argument
risk, what are the real consequences of that the bonds which develop between
this? With good medical care and regular children and their adoptive parents can
checkups most problems will be picked up be especially strong as the simple fact
and dealt with and whether or not the that a child is adopted sends a strong
child inherited the condition is often message to the child that he or she is
largely irrelevant. both loved and wanted.
Previous bad parenting, and especially While there is no doubt that adoption
abuse, in an older child on the other does present some unique challenges for
hand can present very real problems for parents the rewards from parenting an
adoptive parents, although it is often adopted child can be immense and, as with
surprising just how small a part past anything in life, the fact that you have
experiences play in a child's life once to work a little harder for something
he has settled into his new home and a makes the joy of success that much
reasonable level of trust has been greater.






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