| When is the right time to move from infertility to | | | | deliver a healthy baby. I still had that when we |
| adoption? When do you emotionally feel ready? Will | | | | adopted. I don't necessarily think it wrong to have |
| you ever feel ready and must move forward with | | | | that feeling. |
| other ways of creating your forever family! Mardie | | | | We have suffered seven pregnancy losses. We have |
| Caldwell, through her personal experience and over | | | | experienced infertility, miscarriages, a fetal demise, |
| 20 years of working with couples nation-wide, has | | | | and a tubal pregnancy with twins. In between the |
| made it her life's work to bless children needing | | | | losses, we did have one full term birth of our |
| forever adoptive parents. | | | | daughter. It is a hard call. I have always told my |
| How do couples decide to move forward in adoption | | | | adoptive parents that they need to work on creating |
| as opposed to doing donor embryo or IVF? | | | | their family, and if they want to try infertility |
| We just had our third try with IVF with my own | | | | treatments while trying to adoptive parents, they |
| eggs. Our doctor told us that I was a poor responder | | | | should. I just couldn't imagine using birth control when |
| and the quality of my eggs is not good. He said our | | | | trying to adopt after all the effort of attempting to |
| only options are either with donor embryo or | | | | get pregnant, and I've never felt I should ask my |
| adoption. I am just trying to work through the loss | | | | prospective adoptive parents to do something I |
| of both a dream and of the babies we fertilized and | | | | wouldn't do. |
| trying to decide the best direction for us. I still have | | | | Just a few years ago my OB-GYN gently said to me, |
| such a passionate desire to "carry life" in me, but I | | | | "Mardie, why are you doing this to your body?" in |
| am not sure if that will go away once I start the | | | | reference to all the pregnancies and then losing them. |
| adoption process or adopt. Does it? My fear with | | | | I know he just didn't understand the desire to give it |
| trying donor embryo is if it doesn't work, can I take | | | | one last try. A few months later he discovered |
| another "failure" after all our losses. My fear with | | | | pre-cancerous cells in my uterus, and I underwent a |
| adoption is that it might take years or the adoption | | | | hysterectomy shortly after that. Knowing I would |
| might keep falling through. My only experience with | | | | never carry a child again was difficult. |
| adoption is a co-worker with an older child adoption | | | | Even with my "oven" (or as my daughter calls it her |
| that has not been good. I realize there is no | | | | "first home") gone, I still have moments when I |
| guarantee with either path, but it is such a difficult | | | | experience "signs of pregnancy" and forget it is not |
| decision, I am curious as to what led other adoptive | | | | possible for me to carry a baby. After so many |
| parents to their decisions. | | | | years of wanting and trying and planning for babies, |
| Mardie's reply: | | | | old habits are hard to break. |
| We decided that it was more important for us to be | | | | I counsel prospective adoptive mothers to pray that |
| parents than to be pregnant. My biological clock was | | | | if God doesn't want you to be a mother, He would |
| ticking, and we had to decide what we wanted most | | | | take the desire away. For me, the desire didn't leave |
| in our family. | | | | me, and we adopted our son. You need to be |
| We moved from infertility to adoption and then after | | | | honest with each other and find a medical |
| our first adoption of our son, we tried some mild | | | | professional whom you can trust. The chances of |
| infertility treatments again. We didn't have a lot of | | | | success in adoption are so much greater than with |
| money to do extensive infertility drugs or | | | | infertility treatments. When comparing the cost of |
| procedures. | | | | infertility treatments and the cost of adoption, you |
| So, we decided that adoption was right for us. The | | | | will discover more help in financing and grants for |
| decision to adopt came surprisingly easy to both of | | | | adoption than infertility. Though the emotional ups |
| us. We always wanted to adopt someday regardless | | | | and downs are about the same, they vary depending |
| of whether or not we had any biological children. So, | | | | on the adoption route you take. Needless to say, |
| it was a true blessing for us. | | | | when you look down at a child in your arms and |
| The desire you mentioned about "carrying life" inside | | | | those beautiful eyes are peering back up at you, and |
| of you is natural, and I think most women desire to | | | | you know you are a mom-well, that is priceless. |
| conceive and see their pregnancy go to term and | | | | I always say - Don't give up; there is a baby for you! |