| Will this be your "Year of the Relationship"? Here's | | | | important relationships, from children to extended |
| hoping! Whether it's learning to love and accept | | | | family and even into the workplace. Too often, our |
| yourself, meeting your soul mate, connecting with | | | | love partner is the very person we most take for |
| elders or reaching out to children, relationships are the | | | | granted. Sun-Times relationship columnist Laura |
| measure of a life well spent. How do yours measure | | | | Berman (right) says, "Make it a priority to give your |
| up? | | | | partner five genuine thank yous and five genuine |
| All in the family | | | | compliments every day, and at least one 10-second |
| Relationship rules change as kids grow up and parents | | | | kiss." She urges couples -- especially those with |
| age. Responsibility falls to adult children to reach out | | | | children -- to make "date night" a priority. For those |
| to their siblings and to parents. "For so much of life, | | | | looking for love, Berman recommends dating coach |
| parents learn how to let go of their children. At some | | | | Nancy Slotnick's book Turn Your Cablight On |
| point the children need to reach back out to their | | | | (Gotham, $20). "You have to put the message out |
| parents," to check their well-being, reassure and just | | | | there that you're available," Berman says, "in terms |
| talk, said Joyce Gallagher, commissioner of the city's | | | | of how you feel about yourself, carry yourself and |
| Department on Aging. "One of the greatest things I | | | | go about your day-to-day life. That includes mixing up |
| learned, and it was through personal experience later | | | | your routine, putting yourself out there in |
| in life -- my dad had a problem with memory -- was | | | | environments where you might meet a new person. |
| not to correct. It wasn't important to try to get the | | | | Practice smiling and engaging with people so someone |
| date right or circumstance. It was important to just | | | | will see you as approachable. Lately I observed that |
| listen. [By] breaking into the conversation, you ruin | | | | the dog park is a great way for singles to meet." |
| the connection. | | | | Make new friends but keep the old |
| Seniors have so much to share and so much | | | | Friends forever? Gotta work at it. You may have |
| information that can be useful if people just take the | | | | been joined at the hip since childhood or college, but |
| time to listen." Gallagher is the mother of 10 children | | | | don't fall into the trap of taking longtime friends for |
| who have all been in each other's weddings and are | | | | granted. Sadly, it's easy to do with the hectic lives |
| godparents to each other's children. One key to | | | | we all lead. "I think it's smart to plan not to," says |
| harmony among siblings? "We don't talk about | | | | Debra White Smith, a Texas-based speaker, radio |
| another person unless they are in the room," | | | | personality and author of Friends For Keeps: Building |
| Gallagher said. | | | | Relationships That Last a Lifetime (Beacon Hill Press, |
| For the love of children | | | | $12.99). "Ask yourself, 'Who in my life do I value?' |
| "I love these girls with every part of my being. I | | | | Maybe you haven't connected in a while, but you |
| didn't know you could feel this way about other | | | | have really fond memories. Set aside one day a |
| people's children," Oprah Winfrey said this week at | | | | month to call or send a card or e-mail." Even if you're |
| the dedication of her new school in South Africa. Her | | | | a communication-challenged friend (the one who can't |
| comment reminds us that there are many ways to | | | | stand chatting on the phone after work or hates |
| be a caring adult in the life of a child: through | | | | answering e-mail), you can do better. If your |
| volunteering, working in careers such as teaching, day | | | | long-winded old bud phones at a time when you can't |
| care or pediatric medicine -- even foster parenting. | | | | talk, send a text message back at least |
| Single men and women who yearn for kids have | | | | acknowledging the call. The author of 44 published |
| more options than any previous generation. This may | | | | nonfiction and Christian fiction books, White Smith |
| be the year to seriously consider adoption or begin | | | | offers this advice: "Make a list of what you consider |
| lining up the finances and support network for single | | | | a 'golden friend,' somebody who's a cut above, true |
| parenthood. Gillian McNamee, professor and director | | | | blue, all the way there for you. Then live that list in |
| of teacher education at Chicago's Erikson Institute, | | | | giving to others. You'll find it's reciprocated." |
| says when it comes to strengthening relationships | | | | Tap into a higher power |
| with children, there is no substitute for spending time | | | | You may not be a regular at anyone's church, |
| together. As children get older and more independent, | | | | synagogue, temple or mosque, but that doesn't |
| that age-old wisdom becomes more of a challenge. | | | | mean you aren't longing for a relationship with a |
| "I've heard parents lament that their child is upstairs | | | | power larger than yourself. Jean L. Kristeller, |
| e-mailing," McNamee said. "So e-mail your kid, say, 'I'm | | | | psychology professor and director of the Center for |
| making a great supper for you. Hope you'll be down | | | | the Study of Health, Religion and Spirituality at Indiana |
| soon.' Or leave a voice mail on the cell phone when a | | | | State University, says "spiritual intelligence" seems to |
| child is at school. A message that says I'm thinking of | | | | be a fundamental part of a person's makeup. ... |
| you, I really like something you're doing right now, is | | | | Regardless of how we understand it, there seems to |
| a wonderful thing to do. It takes one minute of time." | | | | be in every culture [and] every community a pull |
| McNamee "willingly" drives her child's car pool (and | | | | toward finding what this means." For those who |
| brings a bag of cookies.) "That's always a total hit," | | | | belong to a defined faith, that might express itself in |
| she says. | | | | prayer. For others, perhaps contemplative silence or |
| Embraceable YOU | | | | meditation. Why does a connection with something |
| There's nothing wrong with developing a healthy | | | | or someone we can't see matter? "We can identify |
| relationship with yourself. After all, who spends more | | | | with a relationship to something outside of ourselves |
| time with you than YOU? Besides, it's pretty tough | | | | as something to learn from and cultivate experiences |
| to establish a positive bond with anyone else if you | | | | of compassion and empathy, and moving out of our |
| don't love and cherish yourself, idiosyncrasies and all. | | | | own self-preoccupation," Kristeller says."It's very |
| Maybe the fictional Carrie Bradshaw said it best on | | | | strong, very powerful and very important." |
| the final episode of "Sex and the City": "Later that | | | | Get real about relationships |
| day I got to thinking about relationships. There are | | | | Some people spend so much time "interacting" with a |
| those that open you up to something new and | | | | computer, cell phone or their car that they seem to |
| exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that | | | | have a relationship with these objects. The same is |
| bring up lots of questions, those that bring you | | | | often true with pets. Yes, these tools and furry |
| somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far | | | | friends enhance our lives and, at times, fuel our |
| from where you started, and those that bring you | | | | emotions. But these are not real relationships. They |
| back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant | | | | can't take you to the emergency room and they |
| relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. | | | | won't be at your wake. They cannot sustain you. |
| And if you find someone to love the you you love, | | | | Incidental relationships -- personal trainer, hairdresser, |
| well, that's just fabulous." | | | | therapist, banker, colleagues - fill our days and our |
| To have and hold onto | | | | calendars. But rarely our hearts. A true friend -- an |
| Love is the ultimate human experience. A solid | | | | authentic bond -- is a gift. Treasure every one! If |
| relationship with your spouse or lover is your heart | | | | circumstances find you temporarily friendless or |
| and your foundation, your comfort and joy. Marriage | | | | missing friends far away, make new friends by |
| counselors constantly remind couples, whether | | | | extending invitations and expanding your circles. All |
| newlyweds or long-term partners, to take time and | | | | best friends were strangers at some point. Today's |
| care to nurture this central relationship. If this one | | | | acquaintance may be tomorrow's best friend! |
| falters, the repercussions will touch all your other | | | | |