| Will this be your "Year of the | | | | from children to extended family and |
| Relationship"? Here's hoping! Whether | | | | even into the workplace. Too often, our |
| it's learning to love and accept | | | | love partner is the very person we most |
| yourself, meeting your soul mate, | | | | take for granted. Sun-Times relationship |
| connecting with elders or reaching out | | | | columnist Laura Berman (right) says, |
| to children, relationships are the | | | | "Make it a priority to give your partner |
| measure of a life well spent. How do | | | | five genuine thank yous and five genuine |
| yours measure up? | | | | compliments every day, and at least one |
| All in the family | | | | 10-second kiss." She urges couples -- |
| Relationship rules change as kids grow | | | | especially those with children -- to |
| up and parents age. Responsibility falls | | | | make "date night" a priority. For those |
| to adult children to reach out to their | | | | looking for love, Berman recommends |
| siblings and to parents. "For so much of | | | | dating coach Nancy Slotnick's book Turn |
| life, parents learn how to let go of | | | | Your Cablight On (Gotham, $20). "You |
| their children. At some point the | | | | have to put the message out there that |
| children need to reach back out to their | | | | you're available," Berman says, "in |
| parents," to check their well-being, | | | | terms of how you feel about yourself, |
| reassure and just talk, said Joyce | | | | carry yourself and go about your |
| Gallagher, commissioner of the city's | | | | day-to-day life. That includes mixing up |
| Department on Aging. "One of the | | | | your routine, putting yourself out there |
| greatest things I learned, and it was | | | | in environments where you might meet a |
| through personal experience later in | | | | new person. Practice smiling and |
| life -- my dad had a problem with memory | | | | engaging with people so someone will see |
| -- was not to correct. It wasn't | | | | you as approachable. Lately I observed |
| important to try to get the date right | | | | that the dog park is a great way for |
| or circumstance. It was important to | | | | singles to meet." |
| just listen. [By] breaking into the | | | | Make new friends but keep the old |
| conversation, you ruin the connection. | | | | Friends forever? Gotta work at it. You |
| Seniors have so much to share and so | | | | may have been joined at the hip since |
| much information that can be useful if | | | | childhood or college, but don't fall |
| people just take the time to listen." | | | | into the trap of taking longtime friends |
| Gallagher is the mother of 10 children | | | | for granted. Sadly, it's easy to do with |
| who have all been in each other's | | | | the hectic lives we all lead. "I think |
| weddings and are godparents to each | | | | it's smart to plan not to," says Debra |
| other's children. One key to harmony | | | | White Smith, a Texas-based speaker, |
| among siblings? "We don't talk about | | | | radio personality and author of Friends |
| another person unless they are in the | | | | For Keeps: Building Relationships That |
| room," Gallagher said. | | | | Last a Lifetime (Beacon Hill Press, |
| For the love of children | | | | $12.99). "Ask yourself, 'Who in my life |
| "I love these girls with every part of | | | | do I value?' Maybe you haven't connected |
| my being. I didn't know you could feel | | | | in a while, but you have really fond |
| this way about other people's children," | | | | memories. Set aside one day a month to |
| Oprah Winfrey said this week at the | | | | call or send a card or e-mail." Even if |
| dedication of her new school in South | | | | you're a communication-challenged friend |
| Africa. Her comment reminds us that | | | | (the one who can't stand chatting on the |
| there are many ways to be a caring adult | | | | phone after work or hates answering |
| in the life of a child: through | | | | e-mail), you can do better. If your |
| volunteering, working in careers such as | | | | long-winded old bud phones at a time |
| teaching, day care or pediatric medicine | | | | when you can't talk, send a text message |
| -- even foster parenting. Single men and | | | | back at least acknowledging the call. |
| women who yearn for kids have more | | | | The author of 44 published nonfiction |
| options than any previous generation. | | | | and Christian fiction books, White Smith |
| This may be the year to seriously | | | | offers this advice: "Make a list of what |
| consider adoption or begin lining up the | | | | you consider a 'golden friend,' somebody |
| finances and support network for single | | | | who's a cut above, true blue, all the |
| parenthood. Gillian McNamee, professor | | | | way there for you. Then live that list |
| and director of teacher education at | | | | in giving to others. You'll find it's |
| Chicago's Erikson Institute, says when | | | | reciprocated." |
| it comes to strengthening relationships | | | | Tap into a higher power |
| with children, there is no substitute | | | | You may not be a regular at anyone's |
| for spending time together. As children | | | | church, synagogue, temple or mosque, but |
| get older and more independent, that | | | | that doesn't mean you aren't longing for |
| age-old wisdom becomes more of a | | | | a relationship with a power larger than |
| challenge. "I've heard parents lament | | | | yourself. Jean L. Kristeller, psychology |
| that their child is upstairs e-mailing," | | | | professor and director of the Center for |
| McNamee said. "So e-mail your kid, say, | | | | the Study of Health, Religion and |
| 'I'm making a great supper for you. Hope | | | | Spirituality at Indiana State |
| you'll be down soon.' Or leave a voice | | | | University, says "spiritual |
| mail on the cell phone when a child is | | | | intelligence" seems to be a fundamental |
| at school. A message that says I'm | | | | part of a person's makeup. ... |
| thinking of you, I really like something | | | | Regardless of how we understand it, |
| you're doing right now, is a wonderful | | | | there seems to be in every culture [and] |
| thing to do. It takes one minute of | | | | every community a pull toward finding |
| time." McNamee "willingly" drives her | | | | what this means." For those who belong |
| child's car pool (and brings a bag of | | | | to a defined faith, that might express |
| cookies.) "That's always a total hit," | | | | itself in prayer. For others, perhaps |
| she says. | | | | contemplative silence or meditation. Why |
| Embraceable YOU | | | | does a connection with something or |
| There's nothing wrong with developing a | | | | someone we can't see matter? "We can |
| healthy relationship with yourself. | | | | identify with a relationship to |
| After all, who spends more time with you | | | | something outside of ourselves as |
| than YOU? Besides, it's pretty tough to | | | | something to learn from and cultivate |
| establish a positive bond with anyone | | | | experiences of compassion and empathy, |
| else if you don't love and cherish | | | | and moving out of our own |
| yourself, idiosyncrasies and all. Maybe | | | | self-preoccupation," Kristeller |
| the fictional Carrie Bradshaw said it | | | | says."It's very strong, very powerful |
| best on the final episode of "Sex and | | | | and very important." |
| the City": "Later that day I got to | | | | Get real about relationships |
| thinking about relationships. There are | | | | Some people spend so much time |
| those that open you up to something new | | | | "interacting" with a computer, cell |
| and exotic, those that are old and | | | | phone or their car that they seem to |
| familiar, those that bring up lots of | | | | have a relationship with these objects. |
| questions, those that bring you | | | | The same is often true with pets. Yes, |
| somewhere unexpected, those that bring | | | | these tools and furry friends enhance |
| you far from where you started, and | | | | our lives and, at times, fuel our |
| those that bring you back. But the most | | | | emotions. But these are not real |
| exciting, challenging and significant | | | | relationships. They can't take you to |
| relationship of all is the one you have | | | | the emergency room and they won't be at |
| with yourself. And if you find someone | | | | your wake. They cannot sustain you. |
| to love the you you love, well, that's | | | | Incidental relationships -- personal |
| just fabulous." | | | | trainer, hairdresser, therapist, banker, |
| To have and hold onto | | | | colleagues - fill our days and our |
| Love is the ultimate human experience. A | | | | calendars. But rarely our hearts. A true |
| solid relationship with your spouse or | | | | friend -- an authentic bond -- is a |
| lover is your heart and your foundation, | | | | gift. Treasure every one! If |
| your comfort and joy. Marriage | | | | circumstances find you temporarily |
| counselors constantly remind couples, | | | | friendless or missing friends far away, |
| whether newlyweds or long-term partners, | | | | make new friends by extending |
| to take time and care to nurture this | | | | invitations and expanding your circles. |
| central relationship. If this one | | | | All best friends were strangers at some |
| falters, the repercussions will touch | | | | point. Today's acquaintance may be |
| all your other important relationships, | | | | tomorrow's best friend! |