| Will this be your "Year of the
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| | important relationships, from children to
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| Relationship"? Here's hoping! Whether
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| | extended family and even into the
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| it's learning to love and accept
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| | workplace. Too often, our love partner is
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| yourself, meeting your soul mate,
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| | the very person we most take for granted.
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| connecting with elders or reaching out to
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| | Sun-Times relationship columnist Laura
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| children, relationships are the measure
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| | Berman (right) says, "Make it a priority
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| of a life well spent. How do yours
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| | to give your partner five genuine thank
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| measure up?
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| | yous and five genuine compliments every
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| All in the family
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| | day, and at least one 10-second kiss."
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| Relationship rules change as kids grow up
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| | She urges couples -- especially those
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| and parents age. Responsibility falls to
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| | with children -- to make "date night" a
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| adult children to reach out to their
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| | priority. For those looking for love,
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| siblings and to parents. "For so much of
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| | Berman recommends dating coach Nancy
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| life, parents learn how to let go of
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| | Slotnick's book Turn Your Cablight On
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| their children. At some point the
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| | (Gotham, $20). "You have to put the
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| children need to reach back out to their
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| | message out there that you're available,"
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| parents," to check their well-being,
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| | Berman says, "in terms of how you feel
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| reassure and just talk, said Joyce
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| | about yourself, carry yourself and go
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| Gallagher, commissioner of the city's
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| | about your day-to-day life. That includes
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| Department on Aging. "One of the greatest
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| | mixing up your routine, putting yourself
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| things I learned, and it was through
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| | out there in environments where you might
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| personal experience later in life -- my
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| | meet a new person. Practice smiling and
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| dad had a problem with memory -- was not
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| | engaging with people so someone will see
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| to correct. It wasn't important to try to
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| | you as approachable. Lately I observed
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| get the date right or circumstance. It
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| | that the dog park is a great way for
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| was important to just listen. [By]
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| | singles to meet."
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| breaking into the conversation, you ruin
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| | Make new friends but keep the old
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| the connection.
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| | Friends forever? Gotta work at it. You
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| Seniors have so much to share and so much
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| | may have been joined at the hip since
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| information that can be useful if people
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| | childhood or college, but don't fall into
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| just take the time to listen." Gallagher
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| | the trap of taking longtime friends for
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| is the mother of 10 children who have all
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| | granted. Sadly, it's easy to do with the
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| been in each other's weddings and are
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| | hectic lives we all lead. "I think it's
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| godparents to each other's children. One
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| | smart to plan not to," says Debra White
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| key to harmony among siblings? "We don't
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| | Smith, a Texas-based speaker, radio
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| talk about another person unless they are
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| | personality and author of Friends For
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| in the room," Gallagher said.
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| | Keeps: Building Relationships That Last a
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| For the love of children
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| | Lifetime (Beacon Hill Press, $12.99).
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| "I love these girls with every part of my
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| | "Ask yourself, 'Who in my life do I
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| being. I didn't know you could feel this
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| | value?' Maybe you haven't connected in a
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| way about other people's children," Oprah
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| | while, but you have really fond memories.
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| Winfrey said this week at the dedication
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| | Set aside one day a month to call or send
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| of her new school in South Africa. Her
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| | a card or e-mail." Even if you're a
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| comment reminds us that there are many
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| | communication-challenged friend (the one
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| ways to be a caring adult in the life of
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| | who can't stand chatting on the phone
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| a child: through volunteering, working in
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| | after work or hates answering e-mail),
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| careers such as teaching, day care or
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| | you can do better. If your long-winded
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| pediatric medicine -- even foster
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| | old bud phones at a time when you can't
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| parenting. Single men and women who yearn
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| | talk, send a text message back at least
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| for kids have more options than any
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| | acknowledging the call. The author of 44
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| previous generation. This may be the year
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| | published nonfiction and Christian
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| to seriously consider adoption or begin
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| | fiction books, White Smith offers this
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| lining up the finances and support
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| | advice: "Make a list of what you consider
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| network for single parenthood. Gillian
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| | a 'golden friend,' somebody who's a cut
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| McNamee, professor and director of
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| | above, true blue, all the way there for
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| teacher education at Chicago's Erikson
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| | you. Then live that list in giving to
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| Institute, says when it comes to
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| | others. You'll find it's reciprocated."
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| strengthening relationships with
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| | Tap into a higher power
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| children, there is no substitute for
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| | You may not be a regular at anyone's
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| spending time together. As children get
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| | church, synagogue, temple or mosque, but
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| older and more independent, that age-old
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| | that doesn't mean you aren't longing for
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| wisdom becomes more of a challenge. "I've
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| | a relationship with a power larger than
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| heard parents lament that their child is
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| | yourself. Jean L. Kristeller, psychology
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| upstairs e-mailing," McNamee said. "So
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| | professor and director of the Center for
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| e-mail your kid, say, 'I'm making a great
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| | the Study of Health, Religion and
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| supper for you. Hope you'll be down
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| | Spirituality at Indiana State University,
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| soon.' Or leave a voice mail on the cell
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| | says "spiritual intelligence" seems to be
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| phone when a child is at school. A
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| | a fundamental part of a person's makeup.
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| message that says I'm thinking of you, I
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| | ... Regardless of how we understand it,
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| really like something you're doing right
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| | there seems to be in every culture [and]
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| now, is a wonderful thing to do. It takes
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| | every community a pull toward finding
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| one minute of time." McNamee "willingly"
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| | what this means." For those who belong to
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| drives her child's car pool (and brings a
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| | a defined faith, that might express
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| bag of cookies.) "That's always a total
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| | itself in prayer. For others, perhaps
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| hit," she says.
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| | contemplative silence or meditation. Why
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| Embraceable YOU
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| | does a connection with something or
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| There's nothing wrong with developing a
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| | someone we can't see matter? "We can
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| healthy relationship with yourself. After
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| | identify with a relationship to something
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| all, who spends more time with you than
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| | outside of ourselves as something to
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| YOU? Besides, it's pretty tough to
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| | learn from and cultivate experiences of
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| establish a positive bond with anyone
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| | compassion and empathy, and moving out of
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| else if you don't love and cherish
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| | our own self-preoccupation," Kristeller
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| yourself, idiosyncrasies and all. Maybe
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| | says."It's very strong, very powerful and
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| the fictional Carrie Bradshaw said it
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| | very important."
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| best on the final episode of "Sex and the
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| | Get real about relationships
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| City": "Later that day I got to thinking
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| | Some people spend so much time
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| about relationships. There are those that
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| | "interacting" with a computer, cell phone
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| open you up to something new and exotic,
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| | or their car that they seem to have a
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| those that are old and familiar, those
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| | relationship with these objects. The same
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| that bring up lots of questions, those
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| | is often true with pets. Yes, these tools
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| that bring you somewhere unexpected,
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| | and furry friends enhance our lives and,
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| those that bring you far from where you
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| | at times, fuel our emotions. But these
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| started, and those that bring you back.
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| | are not real relationships. They can't
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| But the most exciting, challenging and
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| | take you to the emergency room and they
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| significant relationship of all is the
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| | won't be at your wake. They cannot
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| one you have with yourself. And if you
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| | sustain you. Incidental relationships --
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| find someone to love the you you love,
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| | personal trainer, hairdresser, therapist,
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| well, that's just fabulous."
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| | banker, colleagues - fill our days and
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| To have and hold onto
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| | our calendars. But rarely our hearts. A
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| Love is the ultimate human experience. A
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| | true friend -- an authentic bond -- is a
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| solid relationship with your spouse or
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| | gift. Treasure every one! If
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| lover is your heart and your foundation,
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| | circumstances find you temporarily
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| your comfort and joy. Marriage counselors
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| | friendless or missing friends far away,
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| constantly remind couples, whether
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| | make new friends by extending invitations
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| newlyweds or long-term partners, to take
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| | and expanding your circles. All best
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| time and care to nurture this central
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| | friends were strangers at some point.
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| relationship. If this one falters, the
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| | Today's acquaintance may be tomorrow's
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| repercussions will touch all your other
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| | best friend!
|
