| Life is full of choices. And when you make the big | | | | decisions that must be considered when crating an |
| choice to begin your journey to parenthood through | | | | adoption plan. |
| adoption, you will be faced with what seems like an | | | | Adoption Openness. |
| unending volley of life-changing choices. | | | | One very important decision to consider and discuss |
| As you enter into a search for an adopted child, you | | | | before the urgency of an adoption birth situation is |
| enter into a new and unfamiliar world that will tax | | | | your "Adoption Openness Tolerance". |
| your emotions, your intellect, and your vary concept | | | | Open adoptions have many levels of "openness". But |
| of happiness. You place yourself at risk to be as | | | | they all have one thing in common; there will be |
| emotionally high as you have ever been, and as | | | | some level of communication with the adopting |
| emotionally low as you could ever imagine. | | | | parents and the birthparents. |
| You will be thrown into a world of challenging legal | | | | Here is a simple differentiation of various levels of |
| issues that are complex and changing; laws that | | | | openness for adoption. As an adopting parent, you |
| differ from state to state, from state to federal, and | | | | should consider the degree of openness you are |
| from country to country. You will be faced with | | | | willing to accept and will be willing to live with. This |
| moral dilemmas and uncertainties whose answers will | | | | decision will be with you for the rest of your life! |
| draw upon your very personal truths and values, | | | | "Closed Adoption": sharing only written information |
| from the very depths of your soul. | | | | that won't identify the people involved, with no |
| Have I scared you away yet? | | | | contact after placement. |
| I sincerely hope not. Because as hard as this process | | | | "Restricted Open Adoption": sharing pictures or |
| can be, the reward is very much greater. Of course | | | | letters through a third party before the adoption is |
| the reward is PARENTHOOD! After all, as the old | | | | finalized, with no direct contact between the people |
| saying goes, "It wasn't meant to be easy." | | | | involved. |
| And as Tom Hanks' character said in the movie, "A | | | | "Semi-Open Adoption": Allowing a meeting that |
| League of Their Own", "The hard is what makes it | | | | preserves anonymity between birth parents and |
| great!" | | | | adoptive parents prior to placement. Birth and |
| So, as hard as this process can be, you can make it | | | | adoptive parents may exchange letters, pictures or |
| through if you have the right mental preparation and | | | | gifts for a pre-determined length of time. |
| planning. Creating an adoption plan will help you | | | | "Fully Disclosed Adoption": Allowing birth parents and |
| navigate through the uncertainties of this process. | | | | adoptive parents to meet and share identifying |
| Your goal for sticking to it through the hardest of | | | | information for a limited time. |
| times is to create your own Adoption Plan that will | | | | "Continuing Fully Disclosed Adoption": Allowing birth |
| inject a semblance of control into an otherwise | | | | parents to visit the adoptive family throughout the |
| uncontrollable journey. | | | | child's life. |
| An Adoption Plan will: | | | | Use this checklist to see how "open" you are willing |
| * Help you prepare for the ups and downs of the | | | | to go. |
| adoption process. | | | | _ One-way information (one party has non-identifying |
| * Allow you to make important decisions about your | | | | information on the other party). |
| "adoption tolerance" well in advance, rather than | | | | _ Both parties share non-identifying information. |
| during the urgency of a birth situation. This will | | | | _ Birthparents select adopting parents from |
| prevent hasty, poorly considered decisions. | | | | biographies, adopting parents receives a letter, diary |
| * Allow you to gain a sense of security, reducing | | | | or journal from the birth mother for the child. |
| your fear and anxiety as you move through this | | | | _ Pictures, letters, etc. shared between the adopting |
| process. You will have considered well ahead of time, | | | | parents and the Birthmom. |
| the best-case scenarios, the worst-case scenarios, | | | | _ A phone conversation is held before or after the |
| and scenarios in between. | | | | birth. |
| And most importantly, you will have already decided | | | | _ A taped message is offered from the adopting |
| how you will handle the fun decisions, and how to | | | | parents and/or Birthmom |
| handle potential problems. | | | | _ Meet each other with out identities shared. |
| Making Adoption Decisions for your Plan. | | | | _ Meet each other with identities shared. |
| As you begin your search for a birthmom of your | | | | _ Meet with the child present. |
| future adopted child, there will be many decisions | | | | _ Birth mother allowed to visit the child throughout |
| that must be made. Many of these decisions will be | | | | its life. |
| gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching, and life-changing. | | | | It is wise to proceed with caution when moving |
| Because of the importance of these decisions, it is | | | | forward with higher levels of openness. If you have |
| critical that you make them without the pressure of | | | | difficulty with this decision, or have difficulty agreeing |
| a looming adoption birth situation. | | | | on your tolerance, consult your agency and/or |
| In this article, we will analyze a few important | | | | adoption attorney. |