How To Determine Your "Open Adoption" Tolerance

Life is full of choices. And when you make the bigdecisions that must be considered when crating an
choice to begin your journey to parenthood throughadoption plan.
adoption, you will be faced with what seems like anAdoption Openness.
unending volley of life-changing choices.One very important decision to consider and discuss
As you enter into a search for an adopted child, youbefore the urgency of an adoption birth situation is
enter into a new and unfamiliar world that will taxyour "Adoption Openness Tolerance".
your emotions, your intellect, and your vary conceptOpen adoptions have many levels of "openness". But
of happiness. You place yourself at risk to be asthey all have one thing in common; there will be
emotionally high as you have ever been, and assome level of communication with the adopting
emotionally low as you could ever imagine.parents and the birthparents.
You will be thrown into a world of challenging legalHere is a simple differentiation of various levels of
issues that are complex and changing; laws thatopenness for adoption. As an adopting parent, you
differ from state to state, from state to federal, andshould consider the degree of openness you are
from country to country. You will be faced withwilling to accept and will be willing to live with. This
moral dilemmas and uncertainties whose answers willdecision will be with you for the rest of your life!
draw upon your very personal truths and values,"Closed Adoption": sharing only written information
from the very depths of your soul.that won't identify the people involved, with no
Have I scared you away yet?contact after placement.
I sincerely hope not. Because as hard as this process"Restricted Open Adoption": sharing pictures or
can be, the reward is very much greater. Of courseletters through a third party before the adoption is
the reward is PARENTHOOD! After all, as the oldfinalized, with no direct contact between the people
saying goes, "It wasn't meant to be easy."involved.
And as Tom Hanks' character said in the movie, "A"Semi-Open Adoption": Allowing a meeting that
League of Their Own", "The hard is what makes itpreserves anonymity between birth parents and
great!"adoptive parents prior to placement. Birth and
So, as hard as this process can be, you can make itadoptive parents may exchange letters, pictures or
through if you have the right mental preparation andgifts for a pre-determined length of time.
planning. Creating an adoption plan will help you"Fully Disclosed Adoption": Allowing birth parents and
navigate through the uncertainties of this process.adoptive parents to meet and share identifying
Your goal for sticking to it through the hardest ofinformation for a limited time.
times is to create your own Adoption Plan that will"Continuing Fully Disclosed Adoption": Allowing birth
inject a semblance of control into an otherwiseparents to visit the adoptive family throughout the
uncontrollable journey.child's life.
An Adoption Plan will:Use this checklist to see how "open" you are willing
* Help you prepare for the ups and downs of theto go.
adoption process._ One-way information (one party has non-identifying
* Allow you to make important decisions about yourinformation on the other party).
"adoption tolerance" well in advance, rather than_ Both parties share non-identifying information.
during the urgency of a birth situation. This will_ Birthparents select adopting parents from
prevent hasty, poorly considered decisions.biographies, adopting parents receives a letter, diary
* Allow you to gain a sense of security, reducingor journal from the birth mother for the child.
your fear and anxiety as you move through this_ Pictures, letters, etc. shared between the adopting
process. You will have considered well ahead of time,parents and the Birthmom.
the best-case scenarios, the worst-case scenarios,_ A phone conversation is held before or after the
and scenarios in between.birth.
And most importantly, you will have already decided_ A taped message is offered from the adopting
how you will handle the fun decisions, and how toparents and/or Birthmom
handle potential problems._ Meet each other with out identities shared.
Making Adoption Decisions for your Plan._ Meet each other with identities shared.
As you begin your search for a birthmom of your_ Meet with the child present.
future adopted child, there will be many decisions_ Birth mother allowed to visit the child throughout
that must be made. Many of these decisions will beits life.
gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching, and life-changing.It is wise to proceed with caution when moving
Because of the importance of these decisions, it isforward with higher levels of openness. If you have
critical that you make them without the pressure ofdifficulty with this decision, or have difficulty agreeing
a looming adoption birth situation.on your tolerance, consult your agency and/or
In this article, we will analyze a few importantadoption attorney.