| When considering emancipation, parent and child alike | | | | How is that to be dealt with? |
| must enter into the process with open eyes and | | | | As any parent knows (and most children eventually |
| minds. More than merely understanding the issue, | | | | learn) life is complicated - sometimes unfair, |
| each must be prepared for the consequences of | | | | sometimes frustrating, there are no guarantees, |
| their action and the influence exerted by friends, | | | | never is it always blissful. If parent and child enter |
| family and others. | | | | into the emancipation decision with open eyes and |
| Parents have a responsibility, to which they indirectly | | | | without anger, it can work and everyone can win. |
| agree when having a child. That responsibility is to | | | | If however, one or the other (or both) parties are |
| care for and support that child until he/she is able to | | | | selfish in their reasons for seeking emancipation, it is |
| responsibly manage his/her own affairs. Parenting is a | | | | most probably not going to turn out well. |
| difficult undertaking and requires sacrifice, long-term | | | | Here's a hypothetical situation to consider: a child, 15 |
| commitment, and financial resources. | | | | years old seeks to be emancipated from her sick, |
| This is not to say that parents have to sacrifice their | | | | drug using mother. There are other children in the |
| own well being in deference to their children, but | | | | family and the 15 year old has been "taking care of |
| obviously, parents (responsible parents) have | | | | the family" for some time. She doesn't want to do it |
| experience, good judgment, and resources that | | | | anymore and wants to be emancipated. |
| enable them to guide their children to adulthood. | | | | How should this play out? On the one hand, the 15 |
| Children have responsibilities to their parents, too. | | | | year old is completely ignoring the fact that her |
| Children are expected to respect their parents, follow | | | | mother needs her. She may not be receiving thanks |
| reasonable rules, and be considerate and courteous | | | | or experiencing appreciation, but that doesn't diminish |
| towards their parents and other adults. Often, this is | | | | the need or her value to her mother. |
| where the problems arise which lead child and parent | | | | Also, there's an issue regarding the other children, |
| to consider emancipation as an option. | | | | what happens to them if the 15 year old becomes |
| Although these aren't legal responsibilities per se, they | | | | emancipated and moves out? Would she take them |
| are still valid. There are also legal issues that can pit | | | | with her? I don't think so. |
| child against parent. For example, a child may refuse | | | | Doesn't the 15 year old have some responsibility |
| to attend school, repeatedly play "hookie," disrupt the | | | | towards her mother? I'm sure society believes she |
| classroom, or engage in criminal activity (drugs, theft, | | | | does. Perhaps the 15 year old would be better off |
| etc.). These kinds of problems can be extremely | | | | assisting her mother get help by contacting the |
| difficult for parents to deal with and literally tear | | | | appropriate social services agency rather than |
| families apart. | | | | abandoning her family. Were she to leave the family |
| Parents can become angry and frustrated with | | | | and something catastrophic were to happen, how |
| children; children become frustrated, resentful and | | | | would she feel? Interesting questions, aren't they? |
| angry at parents. The result: the home life is chaotic. | | | | Suppose, however, we look at the above situation |
| Children want out from under control of their parents | | | | from a different perspective and see things as the 15 |
| and parents throw up their hands is despair and want | | | | year old might see them. Perhaps this girl has coped |
| the problems to disappear but don't know how to | | | | with this situation as long as she can and is unable to |
| make it happen - emancipation is seen as the | | | | continue living her life this way. Maybe it's in the best |
| simplest solution. | | | | interest of her very survival that she distances |
| The most important question to answer regarding | | | | herself from the situation. |
| emancipation is: why emancipation? Clearly, the | | | | By her seeking emancipation, it could bring attention |
| obvious advantage of emancipation is that it | | | | to the problems in the home and so bring about |
| separates child and parent. But, at what cost? That's | | | | positive change. In order for her to be granted |
| the family or values side of the issue that so often is | | | | emancipation status there would have to be some |
| left out. Following emancipation there may be child | | | | social services involvement and they would see that |
| regrets or parent regrets or both. | | | | the girl's mother needs help. The result could be that |
| Fortunately, emancipation is not like a restraining | | | | the girl becomes emancipated - which is good for |
| order. Parents can still help their children, after | | | | her; and, the girl's mother would get the help she |
| emancipation, and children can ask for and receive | | | | needs - which is good for her and the other children |
| their parents help. | | | | in the family. |
| Emancipation is just one option that children and | | | | I hope the above example points out how |
| parents have available. Out-of-home placement, | | | | complicated these issues can be and how very |
| foster-care, and relinquishing custody to state/county | | | | important it is to examine them from all angles. The |
| agencies are other options that might provide | | | | human, family, values side of emancipation is far from |
| solutions. The one advantage of these option is that | | | | easy, yet is vitally important to understand fully. |
| they are usually less permanent than emancipation. | | | | Guilt, anger, regret, survival, and happiness - the |
| In addition to being able to answer the question: why | | | | emotional aspects - can make emancipation a sticky |
| emancipation, both parents and children must be | | | | issue. Parents may come to second-guess their |
| willing to live with the consequences of their decision. | | | | decision years later. Children will surely come to a |
| As mentioned earlier, emancipation should never be | | | | new understanding of their parents and parenthood |
| considered without a clear understanding of all rights, | | | | as they become more experienced in life. Keeping |
| responsibilities, and liabilities. To do otherwise is | | | | the lines of communication open and not burning any |
| courting disaster. | | | | bridges can go a long way towards making |
| So what are others going to think when a child is | | | | emancipation a win-win option. |
| emancipated? Friends, immediate family and distant | | | | Whether emancipation serves its intended purpose all |
| family will question the decision and put immense | | | | depends upon how the emancipation decision is made |
| pressure to bear on parents. Questions will arise as to | | | | and whether all ties are severed or not. In many |
| the ability of the emancipated child to manage his or | | | | cases continued parental involvement will be invaluable |
| her affairs. | | | | to the emancipated child. |
| How will these not-so-objective bystanders be | | | | Parents have a lot to offer their children. Children, as |
| handled? It's going to be extremely tough for parents | | | | most of us parents must learn to live with, often |
| to counter the belief that they are shirking their | | | | don't come to appreciate their parents until later in |
| parental responsibilities. | | | | life. Responsible children that grow up to become |
| Likewise, it is difficult to convince others that the | | | | responsible adults learn that their parents weren't so |
| parents have tried everything in their power to | | | | bad after all. |
| salvage the relationship. What's more, there are also | | | | Life is continually throwing curves and it's impossible |
| religious, and possibly cultural considerations. | | | | to hit home runs every time at bat! Parents need to |
| Just as marriage is considered a permanent union, so | | | | keep trying and children need to be forgiving. If that |
| families are considered permanent as well in some | | | | happens, many problems will be resolved without |
| religious and cultural groups. Thus, if parents and child | | | | having to resort to emancipation. |
| embark on emancipation, they may become outcasts. | | | | |