| How To Foster An Environment For Successful | | | | Children are by nature easily distracted and not |
| Communications | | | | alwaysresponsive to their environment. It is the |
| With Your Child | | | | responsibilityof the parent to emphasize positive |
| Copyright 2005 Dr. Charles Sophy | | | | patterns ofcommunication and ensure the child learns |
| Keep 'Em Off My Couch | | | | that ignoringcommunication is not acceptable. Early |
| As parents, we strive to address all of the questions | | | | prevention, in theform of educating your child about |
| askedby our children. If we don't have the answer, | | | | the proper forms ofcommunication, is the key to |
| or don't likethe question, we would never think of | | | | ensuring that the non-verbalagreement does not take |
| ignoring the child. | | | | hold. |
| We do not accept improper communication as | | | | If your child has already grown accustomed to this |
| acceptablebehavior. Most parents, however, are quick | | | | style ofcommunication, here are some essentials to |
| to excuse oroverlook the behavior of their child | | | | assist you inaddressing the situation: |
| when he / she reactsthe same way and are often | | | | Talk: To your child, and explain to them in |
| left wondering when the lines ofcommunication broke. | | | | age-appropriateterms how they are communicating |
| Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from | | | | and why it doesn't work. |
| schoolwith his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek | | | | Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, |
| soundtrack,is in the player and while he usually sings | | | | even whenthe questions are hard. Role-play a |
| along, today hedoesn't appear to be paying attention | | | | conversation to showthem a more effective way to |
| to it. Two blocksaway from their house, they pass | | | | communicate. |
| the softball field where agame is in progress. Dad | | | | Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the |
| announces "Jay, when we get home,you're going to | | | | way inwhich you communicate to others. Children |
| need to clean-up all the toys on the floorin your | | | | model adultbehaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of |
| room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay | | | | poor patterns ofcommunication with your spouse or |
| doesn'trespond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is | | | | parenting partner. |
| one of Jay'sleast favorite activities so he waits a few | | | | Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which |
| moments andtries again. Still no response. | | | | youcommunicate with you child. Send the same |
| In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad | | | | message with eachand every interaction. Allow your |
| tries toget Jay's attention again by simply speaking | | | | child to see that you willcall their attention to those |
| louder, keepinghis tone warm and pleasant. And again, | | | | times that the unwantedbehavior rears its ugly head. |
| his comment is metwith no acknowledgement from | | | | Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes |
| his child. Turning on to theirstreet, Dad loses his | | | | bedistractive and non-communicative. You are the |
| patience and raises his voice, barkinga command that | | | | expert inknowing your child's behavior and can best |
| Jay is to march straight to his room andclean up his | | | | judge theimprovement in their communications. The |
| toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, | | | | best way to ensurehealthy communication patterns is |
| Jay rushes out of the car when they return home | | | | to model positivecommunication skills. |
| and headsstraight to his room, not emerging until | | | | ) 2005 Dr. Charles Sophy |
| dinner time. | | | | Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director |
| The interaction between Jay and his father is the | | | | forthe Los Angeles County Department of Children |
| result ofa non-verbal agreement between them. | | | | and Family |
| Reinforced by previoussimilar exchanges, Jay's | | | | Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, |
| parents have fostered anenvironment where they | | | | safetyand welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. |
| have tolerated his lack of responseto their directions, | | | | He also has aprivate psychiatry practice in Beverly |
| and he has learned that his lack ofcommunication is | | | | Hills, California. |
| acceptable behavior. | | | | Dr. |