| When is the right time to move from | | | | blessing for us. |
| infertility to adoption? When do you | | | | |
| emotionally feel ready? Will you ever feel | | | | The desire you mentioned about "carrying |
| ready and must move forward with other ways | | | | life" inside of you is natural, and I think |
| of creating your forever family! Mardie | | | | most women desire to conceive and see their |
| Caldwell, through her personal experience and | | | | pregnancy go to term and deliver a healthy |
| over 20 years of working with couples | | | | baby. I still had that when we adopted. I |
| nation-wide, has made it her life's work to | | | | don't necessarily think it wrong to have that |
| bless children needing forever adoptive | | | | feeling. |
| parents. | | | | |
| | | | We have suffered seven pregnancy losses. We |
| When is the right time to move from | | | | have experienced infertility, miscarriages, a |
| infertility to adoption? When do you | | | | fetal demise, and a tubal pregnancy with |
| emotionally feel ready? Will you ever feel | | | | twins. In between the losses, we did have one |
| ready and must move forward with other ways | | | | full term birth of our daughter. It is a hard |
| of creating your forever family! Mardie | | | | call. I have always told my adoptive parents |
| Caldwell, through her personal experience and | | | | that they need to work on creating their |
| over 20 years of working with couples | | | | family, and if they want to try infertility |
| nation-wide, has made it her life's work to | | | | treatments while trying to adoptive parents, |
| bless children needing forever adoptive | | | | they should. I just couldn't imagine using |
| parents. | | | | birth control when trying to adopt after all |
| | | | the effort of attempting to get pregnant, and |
| How do couples decide to move forward in | | | | I've never felt I should ask my prospective |
| adoption as opposed to doing donor embryo or | | | | adoptive parents to do something I wouldn't |
| IVF? | | | | do. |
| | | | |
| We just had our third try with IVF with my | | | | Just a few years ago my OB-GYN gently said to |
| own eggs. Our doctor told us that I was a | | | | me, "Mardie, why are you doing this to your |
| poor responder and the quality of my eggs is | | | | body?" in reference to all the pregnancies |
| not good. He said our only options are either | | | | and then losing them. I know he just didn't |
| with donor embryo or adoption. I am just | | | | understand the desire to give it one last |
| trying to work through the loss of both a | | | | try. A few months later he discovered |
| dream and of the babies we fertilized and | | | | pre-cancerous cells in my uterus, and I |
| trying to decide the best direction for us. I | | | | underwent a hysterectomy shortly after that. |
| still have such a passionate desire to "carry | | | | Knowing I would never carry a child again was |
| life" in me, but I am not sure if that will | | | | difficult. |
| go away once I start the adoption process or | | | | |
| adopt. Does it? My fear with trying donor | | | | Even with my "oven" (or as my daughter calls |
| embryo is if it doesn't work, can I take | | | | it her "first home") gone, I still have |
| another "failure" after all our losses. My | | | | moments when I experience "signs of |
| fear with adoption is that it might take | | | | pregnancy" and forget it is not possible for |
| years or the adoption might keep falling | | | | me to carry a baby. After so many years of |
| through. My only experience with adoption is | | | | wanting and trying and planning for babies, |
| a co-worker with an older child adoption that | | | | old habits are hard to break. I counsel |
| has not been good. I realize there is no | | | | prospective adoptive mothers to pray that if |
| guarantee with either path, but it is such a | | | | God doesn't want you to be a mother, He would |
| difficult decision, I am curious as to what | | | | take the desire away. For me, the desire |
| led other adoptive parents to their | | | | didn't leave me, and we adopted our son. You |
| decisions. | | | | need to be honest with each other and find a |
| | | | medical professional whom you can trust. The |
| Mardie's reply: | | | | chances of success in adoption are so much |
| | | | greater than with infertility treatments. |
| We decided that it was more important for us | | | | When comparing the cost of infertility |
| to be parents than to be pregnant. My | | | | treatments and the cost of adoption, you will |
| biological clock was ticking, and we had to | | | | discover more help in financing and grants |
| decide what we wanted most in our family. We | | | | for adoption than infertility. Though the |
| moved from infertility to adoption and then | | | | emotional ups and downs are about the same, |
| after our first adoption of our son, we tried | | | | they vary depending on the adoption route you |
| some mild infertility treatments again. We | | | | take. Needless to say, when you look down at |
| didn't have a lot of money to do extensive | | | | a child in your arms and those beautiful eyes |
| infertility drugs or procedures. So, we | | | | are peering back up at you, and you know you |
| decided that adoption was right for us. The | | | | are a mom-well, that is priceless. |
| decision to adopt came surprisingly easy to | | | | |
| both of us. We always wanted to adopt someday | | | | I always say - Don't give up; there is a baby |
| regardless of whether or not we had any | | | | for you! |
| biological children. So, it was a true | | | | |