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From Infertility to Adoption: Knowing When to Move Forward

When is the right time to move from The desire you mentioned about "carrying
infertility to adoption? When do you life" inside of you is natural, and I
emotionally feel ready? Will you ever think most women desire to conceive and
feel ready and must move forward with see their pregnancy go to term and
other ways of creating your forever deliver a healthy baby. I still had that
family! Mardie Caldwell, through her when we adopted. I don't necessarily
personal experience and over 20 years of think it wrong to have that feeling.
working with couples nation-wide, has We have suffered seven pregnancy losses.
made it her life's work to bless children We have experienced infertility,
needing forever adoptive parents. miscarriages, a fetal demise, and a tubal
When is the right time to move from pregnancy with twins. In between the
infertility to adoption? When do you losses, we did have one full term birth
emotionally feel ready? Will you ever of our daughter. It is a hard call. I
feel ready and must move forward with have always told my adoptive parents that
other ways of creating your forever they need to work on creating their
family! Mardie Caldwell, through her family, and if they want to try
personal experience and over 20 years of infertility treatments while trying to
working with couples nation-wide, has adoptive parents, they should. I just
made it her life's work to bless children couldn't imagine using birth control when
needing forever adoptive parents. trying to adopt after all the effort of
How do couples decide to move forward in attempting to get pregnant, and I've
adoption as opposed to doing donor embryo never felt I should ask my prospective
or IVF? adoptive parents to do something I
We just had our third try with IVF with wouldn't do.
my own eggs. Our doctor told us that I Just a few years ago my OB-GYN gently
was a poor responder and the quality of said to me, "Mardie, why are you doing
my eggs is not good. He said our only this to your body?" in reference to all
options are either with donor embryo or the pregnancies and then losing them. I
adoption. I am just trying to work know he just didn't understand the desire
through the loss of both a dream and of to give it one last try. A few months
the babies we fertilized and trying to later he discovered pre-cancerous cells
decide the best direction for us. I still in my uterus, and I underwent a
have such a passionate desire to "carry hysterectomy shortly after that. Knowing
life" in me, but I am not sure if that I would never carry a child again was
will go away once I start the adoption difficult.
process or adopt. Does it? My fear with Even with my "oven" (or as my daughter
trying donor embryo is if it doesn't calls it her "first home") gone, I still
work, can I take another "failure" after have moments when I experience "signs of
all our losses. My fear with adoption is pregnancy" and forget it is not possible
that it might take years or the adoption for me to carry a baby. After so many
might keep falling through. My only years of wanting and trying and planning
experience with adoption is a co-worker for babies, old habits are hard to break.
with an older child adoption that has not I counsel prospective adoptive mothers
been good. I realize there is no to pray that if God doesn't want you to
guarantee with either path, but it is be a mother, He would take the desire
such a difficult decision, I am curious away. For me, the desire didn't leave me,
as to what led other adoptive parents to and we adopted our son. You need to be
their decisions. honest with each other and find a medical
Mardie's reply: professional whom you can trust. The
We decided that it was more important for chances of success in adoption are so
us to be parents than to be pregnant. My much greater than with infertility
biological clock was ticking, and we had treatments. When comparing the cost of
to decide what we wanted most in our infertility treatments and the cost of
family. We moved from infertility to adoption, you will discover more help in
adoption and then after our first financing and grants for adoption than
adoption of our son, we tried some mild infertility. Though the emotional ups and
infertility treatments again. We didn't downs are about the same, they vary
have a lot of money to do extensive depending on the adoption route you take.
infertility drugs or procedures. So, we Needless to say, when you look down at a
decided that adoption was right for us. child in your arms and those beautiful
The decision to adopt came surprisingly eyes are peering back up at you, and you
easy to both of us. We always wanted to know you are a mom-well, that is
adopt someday regardless of whether or priceless.
not we had any biological children. So, I always say - Don't give up; there is a
it was a true blessing for us. baby for you!




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