| When you choose to adopt a child, you are aware | | | | things will help your child fill in the gaps later and will |
| that one day the questions will come. There's not a | | | | show him or her that you care about where they |
| whole lot you can do about it, it's just reality. Sure, | | | | came from and who they are as a total person. |
| you'd like to think that you can just adopt a child and | | | | It's best in the early years to keep the explanations |
| make them a part of your family and that's it. You'd | | | | to a level that the child can comprehend. For |
| like to think that your child will not grow up and want | | | | example, to a very young child you might say |
| to know about their biological parents. You'd like to | | | | something like, "You are special", or "We chose to be |
| think that you don't have to ever worry about a | | | | your parents because we love you very much". For a |
| knock at the door and a biological mother or father is | | | | child who is a little older you might say, "You were |
| standing on your doorstep. With the advances of the | | | | not born in my tummy, you were born in my heart." |
| internet and more and more services and | | | | There are questions as they are growing up and |
| communities out there, the possibility is very, very | | | | becoming more aware of themselves about why |
| real. | | | | they might look different from other members of |
| So how do you handle it? What exactly is the best | | | | the family. |
| thing to do? If you can, it is best to begin the | | | | As an adoptive mother, I always knew that a |
| conversations early on, even before the child really | | | | relationship between my adopted son and his |
| understands what you're talking about. You certainly | | | | biological mom will be when my son is older and able |
| don't want to constantly bring the subject up, but | | | | to make that decision for himself. In an open |
| certainly open conversation is important. Secrecy | | | | adoption, some biological parents may try to initiate |
| should never be the plan. The truth will eventually | | | | contact. My son has special needs and in our situation |
| come out, whether you want it to or not. Destroying | | | | I feel that a relationship with his biological mother |
| the trust that you've worked so hard to build | | | | would not be beneficial to him at this time. It would |
| between yourself and your adopted child, is not | | | | likely only confuse him and his role in our family. That |
| something you want to happen in a doctor's office. | | | | decision, is something that should be contemplated if |
| Eventually the subject will be brought up, so it's | | | | there is an open adoption situation. We adopted our |
| important to tell your child the absolute truth from | | | | son through an open adoption and I did have the |
| the very beginning. | | | | chance to meet my son's biological mother and |
| One great tradition to start from early on is the | | | | father. I was able to get a little bit of a medical |
| anniversary date. My son's adoption anniversary is | | | | history from them, which is especially helpful with a |
| December 20th. On that date, he is allowed to pick | | | | special needs child. I have kept cards and gifts that |
| something that the whole family does together. This | | | | were given to my son when he was a baby. |
| is his special day to be recognized as a special | | | | Despite your efforts, you may feel hurt when your |
| member of our family. We celebrate the date that | | | | child asks about his or her biological parents. Please |
| he became an official member of our family. | | | | try to remember that your child is just trying to gain |
| If you are aware of any information about your | | | | a sense of who they are from the very beginning. |
| child's birth parents, one great thing to do is to keep | | | | This is just one piece of their understanding of |
| as much information as you can on them for your | | | | themselves. You hold a very big role in helping your |
| child. If you have pictures, addresses, names, medical | | | | child discover this missing piece. It's important to do |
| history, notes, cards, whatever....keep them in a safe | | | | what you can and prepare yourself for that role. |
| place and use them when the time comes. These | | | | |