| Could you adopt after losing a child? Losing a child is | | | | to ask us the "right" questions to help us make that |
| excruciating and one the most devastating | | | | decision. |
| experience to happen to a parent. It is your worst | | | | We must also consider our other children if we are |
| nightmare come true, life crumbles around you and | | | | fortunate enough to have them and our spouse and |
| you are never to be the same person again. Your | | | | their feeling towards acceptance of another child, |
| mind races for and you panic and look for ideas to fill | | | | they have been deeply affected too. It is a whole |
| the void, you may even consider adoption if you are | | | | family decision and all should be included in the |
| not able to have any more children. | | | | discussion and the counselling process if it gets that |
| With hopes and dreams shattered; watching your | | | | far. For women still be capable of having more |
| children grow, marry the love of their life and one | | | | children often become oregnant again, however |
| day having a house filled with grandchildren are gone. | | | | there will be triggers and memories again, some find |
| You start to search in desperation and wonder how | | | | it very healing and others find the pain and reminders |
| you fill the void and the pain in your heart, you know | | | | too much and can increase the risk of increasing |
| nothing and no one will ever replace your child but | | | | depression. |
| and you even consider adoption. But can you love | | | | First of all, it is not a wise thing to expect a child to |
| another child in his or her own right, knowing you can | | | | fill the gap or void left by the other child, parents |
| never or will ever want to replace the child you lost, | | | | may transfer expectations unconsciously to the child, |
| is it be possible or fair to give love to another child | | | | and make it difficult for the child to grow into his or |
| and give that love guilt free.. | | | | her own right. Growing up knowing you might be |
| You may never get over familiar incidents that | | | | expected to be the replacement for a lost child may |
| trigger memories of loss, such as revisiting soccer | | | | cause adverse affects of the new child. The child |
| games, school activities, things that you may have | | | | might grow up under unfair and unrealistic |
| done with your own child before, so you have to | | | | expectations or there may be times when the child |
| decide if adopting is worth the pain of revisiting the | | | | has anger or frustration taken out on him as a result |
| memories of what you did with your child in the past. | | | | of your sadness and loss without your realizing. |
| It is a big decision and not to be taken lightly and is | | | | Although he focus raising the adopted child would |
| certainly not for everyone, you have to know who | | | | help rather than grieving daily, holidays such as |
| you are and what your capabilities and limitations are. | | | | Mothers Day's, Father's day, Christmas and so on will |
| While time is supposed to heal the pain will never fully | | | | still occur;you have to celebrate for the adopted |
| go, it is a part of you now, your life, history and the | | | | child, yet the mourning for the lost child will bring up |
| person you know have become, for better or worse. | | | | pain and could cause very mixed emotions on those |
| Some people become stronger and fight back and | | | | days. |
| thrive and others are marked forever, never recover | | | | So allow some time to pass, see how you are |
| and the death becomes their identity, in this case | | | | affected in the long run and give yourself chance to |
| adoption will never help and never be fair on the child | | | | reevaluate you the new life you have had to create. |
| you would take into your life. Some can make a | | | | This is a time for self discovery and if there is any |
| conscious decision to move forward, at least in parts | | | | doubt wait, you are not only making a decision for |
| of their life, while others of us are so grief stricken | | | | your life but for the life of a child who wants to be |
| the pain can hold us forever. Either way counselling is | | | | loved for who they are and too have a real Mum and |
| an important part of recovery and decision making | | | | Dad for life. |
| and getting unbiased advise and having that referee | | | | |