| Conceiving a child may have been the original plan for | | | | Ask your spouse, in turn, to hear your reasons for |
| the two of you. However, when that doesn't | | | | wanting to adopt -- also without judgment or |
| happen, for some, the idea of adopting seems the | | | | argument. |
| "natural" choice rather than not becoming parents at | | | | 3. Take a break! Demanding agreement or |
| all. But the idea of parenting "someone else's kid" can | | | | emotionally pleading may cause a discussion to |
| leave others cold. When husband and wife feel | | | | dissolve into an unfruitful argument with tears, yelling |
| differently about adopting, strong emotions come out | | | | -- and worse, polarized positions. |
| in force. It is not uncommon for childless couples not | | | | 4. Allow your spouse time and space to process |
| to be "in sync" about the decision to become parents | | | | what you have discussed. Realize that major shifts in |
| through adoption. The decision to adopt - or live | | | | thinking can take longer for some than for others. |
| forever childless - can shake the very foundations of | | | | You may come back to the discussion many times |
| a marriage. | | | | before any shift begins to occur. |
| More often it is the wife who wants to adopt and | | | | 5. Consider a support group, marriage counselor, or |
| become a mother while her husband is happy to live | | | | adoption mentor. Your spouse may more willingly |
| his life as it currently is..... forever. Some men simply | | | | "hear" points made by an experienced, and neutral, |
| do not experience the deep longing to become a | | | | third party. |
| parent that many women do. How can you help your | | | | You are considering making a major change in your |
| spouse overcome his or her fears, concerns and | | | | family's dynamics and simultaneously significantly |
| objections? | | | | impacting the relationship between you and your |
| 1. First, arrange, in advance, a mutually agreeable time | | | | spouse by introducing a child into your family. Change |
| to discuss together the pros and cons of adopting. | | | | of any kind can be scary. Add to that fears of |
| Let him know it is an important issue for you. | | | | whether becoming a parent is right for you, and you |
| Sweeping the subject under the rug will leave the | | | | have a potent emotional brew. |
| matter forever unaddressed. Worse, going behind | | | | Your loving concern, consideration and patience will |
| your spouse's back to begin the adoption process will | | | | help ease your spouse from an ingrained position to a |
| likely backfire. | | | | more open perspective. Arriving there is good training |
| 2. Accept your spouse's concerns and fears as real | | | | for being a good parent as well! Good luck! |
| and legitimate. Listen without judgment or argument. | | | | |