| A friend of mine posed a question to community I | | | | rainforest where a maternal energy and knowledge |
| am part of that really caught my attention. "What is | | | | pervades all who live in the indigenous culture she |
| a 'real' mother?" she asked. | | | | visited. Even young children there were |
| Seeing the word "real" juxtaposed next to the word | | | | knowledgeable and comfortable with the care and |
| "mother" was very thought provoking. What makes | | | | nurturing of babies--perhaps more so than many |
| a mother a mother anyhow? Some mothers | | | | adults in our western world! It was because there |
| conceive, carry and give birth to their children. Some | | | | was a deep connection that was unbroken in that |
| mothers are unable to to conceive, carry or give | | | | culture...a deep connection with the organic |
| birth, yet are 100% there once a child becomes their | | | | unfoldment of life..a sense of the natural progression |
| own. Mothering is very much a feminine quality. Yet, | | | | through which a baby developed. |
| does one need to be female to mother another | | | | So one would just know to hold a baby in arms until |
| being? When my 7 1/2 year old former feral gray | | | | the baby gave the signal to be put down. And one |
| male cat, Toss, licks and nurtures my other cats, is it | | | | carried the baby as one went about the activities of |
| really much different than when one of the female | | | | daily life, so the baby was always safe, held and in |
| cats licks and nurtures them? And when as a 4 | | | | connection until the baby was ready not to be. And |
| month old kitten, Scarlett, my Maine Coon cat, | | | | when the baby wanted to move forth and walk, |
| nurtured and embraced tiny 2 month old Prayer, my | | | | there was the space to move forth and walk and |
| chocolate point Siamese cat, was there truly any | | | | the watchful eye of those who knew how to |
| difference between Scarlett's attention and Prayer's | | | | balance space and safe present attention. |
| now distant mother? | | | | What an experience for the maternal skills and |
| I found myself going to a place of deep reflection for | | | | qualities to be available in men and women, boys and |
| several days, looking at my own experience of | | | | girls, children and adults, family and community! Is it |
| mothering. One could say that there are maternal | | | | any wonder that children raised in this environment |
| qualities in the healing work I do: creating a safe | | | | felt a deep, uninterrupted connection with the |
| space, being fully present to those I work with, | | | | continuum of life? Many qualities of "real" mothering |
| forming a deep, committed, long-term bond where | | | | were internalized by all in that culture, and men, |
| my energies are directed towards the healing, growth | | | | women, children and adults ALL had the ability to |
| and self-fulfillment of those I work with, creating a | | | | bring the qualities of real mothering forth to the next |
| sense of trust and intimacy so that I can truly see | | | | generation. |
| and appreciate another person from the soul level | | | | The sense of the universal mother is more deeply |
| up.... Are these not some of the qualities I also bring | | | | embraced and palpable in other non-western cultures. |
| to my own son, though not with the limitations or | | | | I had lunch with a colleague of mine who was a |
| boundaries of my professional role? | | | | foster parent for Sudanese children. She described |
| Did I have to have a child to be a "real" mother? Or | | | | how when her kids went to gatherings with other |
| was I always a "real" mother just waiting to fully | | | | Sudanese, there was a wonderful way the whole |
| express myself with a child? And at some level, | | | | community would watch the kids. Their safety would |
| wasn't I always carrying my son's soul and spirit in | | | | be assured--not even in question. There was a way |
| my heart, long before I met his father, became | | | | that everyone there had a sense of attention to and |
| pregnant, carried him in my womb, gave birth and | | | | responsibility for each and every child, and not in the |
| began my "official" journey with him in this world? | | | | isolated, burdened, separated way westerners view |
| Asking the question "what is a 'real' mother" evokes | | | | parents, kids and kids in community. |
| all kinds of questions, thoughts and reflections. In my | | | | Perhaps these non-western cultures have a deeper |
| heart of hearts, I believe mothering is an innate | | | | sense of Gaia, the earth goddess, and the earth |
| capacity. It is both an innate human capacity, and an | | | | energy. And with that sense of Gaia comes a |
| innate capacity I see in other animals as well. It is so | | | | connection to and respect for other beings--human |
| deep and so primal, there is an archetypal energy of | | | | and non-human. |
| mothering. It is a universal, spiritual force that allows | | | | Am I being any less of a "real" mother when I take |
| mothers of all kinds to feel a common bond. It is so | | | | home and care for a new kitten than a human child? |
| deep, that many a mother animal will do anything in | | | | Is there really much difference in the skills, qualities |
| her power for the life of her child. If her child is hurt, | | | | and essence I bring to a feral animal I wish to help |
| ailing or threatened, a mother's deepest passion, | | | | become safe enough to come off the streets of life, |
| power and protective qualities will rise up and out of | | | | and a human being who comes to me for sanctuary, |
| her. | | | | safety, healing and acceptance? |
| The mothering capacity includes the feminine | | | | Is being a "real" mother mostly about having an |
| energy-- being receptive, holding and containing a | | | | opening in the depth of the soul, so that children (and |
| growing organism, be it in-utero, in arms, at home or | | | | others) feel the holding, the love, the nurturing, the |
| in one's heart. Cultivating, nurturing, stewarding, | | | | respect for their uniqueness of being and their |
| nourishing-- emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, | | | | organic unfolding growth process that comes from |
| soulfully--are all part of a mother's gift to her child. | | | | this depth of connection? |
| Yet many people in our culture never experience | | | | Many of us still crave this experience of "real" |
| these qualities of mothering. Sadly, many mothers are | | | | mothering into adulthood and throughout the course |
| wounded, and therefore frozen, blocked or | | | | of our lives. And many of us yearn to give the |
| undeveloped in some of these primal maternal | | | | energy of mothering abundantly and fluidly, just as |
| qualities. A mother may never have received real | | | | we inhale and exhale. |
| mothering from her own mother...or anyone. So, she | | | | Mothering and being mothered are essential, soul |
| is unable to fully presence, nurture, hold or care for | | | | deep experiences at the very root of being human, |
| her child. One can only give what one has | | | | of being a living, breathing organism. May we find |
| experienced, and therefore knows to give. | | | | ways to bring this primal and essential energy to |
| Yet in other cultures, maternal qualities need not be | | | | ourselves and our loved ones, so that we can grow |
| obtained only from one's birth mother or adoptive | | | | deep roots and strong branches to reach into the |
| mother. In The Continuum Concept, author Jean | | | | world, and contribute to the evolution of life and love. |
| Liedloff writes about the people of the Amazon | | | | |