| Let us examine the powerful ways we send | | | | use force that is necessary to get the child to move. |
| messages to one another (and our children) through | | | | There is no need to lash out physically to get your |
| our Body Distance... | | | | child to do what you ask him or her to do. If you do |
| Body distance is the last tool to examine in | | | | lash out, just remember you are teaching your |
| non-verbal communication. Simply put, body distance | | | | children/teens how to deal with people smaller and |
| is used to take over someone's personal space, or | | | | weaker than them...with smaller people they'll do the |
| give someone personal space. When we are really | | | | same! |
| close to someone physically it communicates care, | | | | Making them do it will communicate you are serious in |
| concern, seriousness, or someone's safety is in | | | | that moment. They know you care, even if you are |
| jeopardy. When we are far away from someone | | | | on top of them making them do something they |
| physically, it communicates less care, less concern, | | | | don't want to do. You are not "killing" them, like they |
| relaxation, and freedom is permitted. | | | | will try to convince you. The mess will be cleaned in a |
| Usually there are two types of children/teens. There | | | | minute or two, they will forget about it, and they'll go |
| are those that need their personal space to be | | | | back to playing. |
| invaded, in order for them to calm down, | | | | If you find that your children are the "give me 15 |
| self-regulate, or do what you ask them to do. And, | | | | seconds and I'll do by myself" type, and there is no |
| there are those that need extra space for them to | | | | danger involved, move away. (Or if talking to your |
| calm down, self-regulate, and do what you ask them | | | | children/teens is making them more upset you can |
| to do. Experiment with both to find the particular | | | | move and use silence!). Even when they tantrum, you |
| balance your child has. Sometimes you will need to | | | | can still give them space. Just remember it is their |
| move closer, and other times you will need to move | | | | loss of control, not yours. As fast as they upset |
| away. | | | | themselves, they can calm themselves down! |
| How do you use this non-verbal tool to your | | | | When they are calmer, come back. They know you |
| advantage? When you are asking your children/teens | | | | care about them when you are far away. They just |
| to do something, and they just are not moving, test | | | | want what they want, and they want it NOW! There |
| and see which type of children they are. If they are | | | | is no need to apologize because you let them be for |
| the "I won't do it till someone is on me" type, move | | | | two minutes. |
| closer (regardless of age). Note: As a last resort, only | | | | |