| ORPHAN - REVIEW | | | | answer is to review it). Horror movies are usually |
| 4 out of 10 | | | | pretty stupid and I get that you are supposed to |
| The new horror thriller, Orphan can be summed up in | | | | watch them for what they are, but it helps when |
| one word... ridiculous. In all fairness to the film, I have | | | | they are actually scary. There are so many staged |
| to be honest and say that the horror genre is my | | | | moments by director, Jaume Collet-Serra, that are |
| least favorite, especially those featuring murderous | | | | meant to make you jump out of your seat, but not |
| children. I did go to the theatre with an open mind, | | | | one of them delivers. I wasn't the least bit startled or |
| but Orphan is an over long, tedious film with a twist | | | | creeped out by one single moment of Orphan. In |
| that I saw coming from a mile away. That's not to | | | | fact, the first half of Orphan plays more like a little |
| say everyone will see the twist coming, but a large | | | | domestic drama than a horror flick. Couple loses |
| portion of the audience will. The only saving grace of | | | | baby, wife turns to alcohol, she loses her job and her |
| the film comes in the form of terrific acting by all the | | | | daughter is hurt in an accident that was caused by |
| leads. | | | | her drunken state. Oh yeah, and at some point John |
| The film is about Kate (Vera Farmiga) and John | | | | also cheated on Kate. All of this is piled on so that |
| (Peter Sarsgaard), a married couple with two children, | | | | we understand why John wouldn't believe anything |
| who are devastated after the death of their unborn | | | | Kate has to say about Esther, but really, when nuns |
| child. The death takes its toll on the marriage and in | | | | go missing and your son is almost killed in a freak fire, |
| Kate's despair she turns to alcohol and quickly | | | | even the biggest moron would have to think that |
| becomes addicted. After a year spent sober, Kate | | | | maybe your wife might be telling the truth. I also find |
| and John decide to fix their fractured family by | | | | it hard to believe that John and Kate's 6 year old |
| adopting a child. At the local orphanage, the pair is | | | | daughter, who becomes an unwitting accomplice to |
| drawn to a seemingly angelic little girl named Esther | | | | Esther's dastardly deeds, would be able to keep her |
| (Isabelle Fuhrman). Feeling a connection to her, they | | | | adopted sister's secrets, no matter how scared she |
| decide to welcome her into their family and bring her | | | | is. My kids tattle on each other about every |
| home. Shortly after Esther arrives however, | | | | indiscretion, real and imaginary. |
| accidents start to happen and Kate begins to suspect | | | | As I said earlier, the only saving grace to the film is |
| that there is something seriously wrong with Esther. | | | | the extraordinary acting of the main leads. Vera |
| Kate tries to investigate the girls past and convince | | | | Farmiga as the mother desperately trying to save |
| John that Esther is disturbed, but he basically thinks | | | | her family is brilliant. Even as the film becomes more |
| his wife is losing her mind and is completely unaware | | | | and more ridiculous, Farmiga's performance is |
| of what's going on around him. There were a few | | | | believable. Peter Sarsgaard as husband, John, also |
| times I wanted to step into the movie and slap him | | | | does a fine job as the clueless dad but the real star |
| in the face. No man could possibly be this oblivious. | | | | of the film is young Isabelle Fuhrman as Esther. This |
| Hell, even if I thought my wife was crazy, I'd send | | | | kid has chops! |
| the kid back to the orphanage in a heartbeat, if only | | | | Whether she is called on to be angelic sweet or |
| to alleviate the burden of my mentally instable | | | | demonically evil, Fuhrman delivers in spades. She |
| partner in life. | | | | flawlessly changes her little miss innocent look to that |
| The movie starts off alright, but as Esther becomes | | | | of pure malevolence in the blink of an eye and may |
| more and more calculated and evil, I found myself | | | | very well be the next Dakota Fanning. |
| giggling and I'm sure that was not the intent of the | | | | To sum it up, Orphan is a tediously long, ludicrous, |
| filmmakers. At a certain point, all believability flies out | | | | want to be clever horror film that is only worth |
| the window and I found myself frequently checking | | | | watching for the strong performances of the lead |
| my watch to see how much time was left. There | | | | actors. I shudder to think how scary Orphan would've |
| were even a few times I asked myself why the hell | | | | been with a lesser cast. |
| I was watching this retarded movie (the simple | | | | |