| Few things are more completely enjoyable than | | | | become a member of a transcultural and often |
| becoming a grandparent. Grandchildren are one of | | | | transracial complex family. Translated into day-to-day |
| life's joys, whether they come by birth or via | | | | events, this means you might celebrate Chinese New |
| adoption. All grandchildren are loved equally and are | | | | Year in addition to the traditional holidays. |
| equally lovable. | | | | Unfortunately, this also means that your grandchild |
| When a new family member is adopted, share your | | | | will be confronted by bigotry and will need your |
| excitement. Share snapshots. Exclaim about the traits | | | | support and sensitivity. Your lifetime of experiences |
| that make this child a prodigy! And know that | | | | will be key in shaping your responses. Be wholly |
| adoption brings some unique challenges. Following are | | | | honest. |
| a few suggestions for navigating once you find you | | | | Remember, throughout, that your grandchildren are |
| are a member of a complex family. | | | | connected to you and to the family. They may not |
| People are fascinated by adoption, and this | | | | look a lot like you or your child, but they will develop |
| fascination can lead well-meaning friends and | | | | similar voice patterns, talents, tastes, and interests. |
| neighbors to pose very personal questions. | | | | Don't assume the adopted child will automatically |
| Remember that a child's adoption story is akin to a | | | | know this--it took me 45 years to figure out that I |
| conception story. It is private, and one should consult | | | | got, first, my dry sense of humor from my adoptive |
| with the adopted person before sharing the details. | | | | father, and, second, my ability to 'stretch and save' |
| Think about language, and encourage others to do | | | | from my grandmother, a North Carolina farmer. Every |
| so. As an adopted person, I have heard this question | | | | Carolina reunion I attend reminds me that genetics |
| all my life: "Have you ever met your real parents?" | | | | are not the only way to pass on family traits. |
| What this said to me as a child was, "Your adoptive | | | | At a recent reunion, I was introduced to my |
| parents are fake." As an adult, I answer, "I was | | | | mother's best childhood friend. They hadn't seen each |
| raised by my real parents." It's a good idea to call the | | | | other in over 60 years. The friend inspected me |
| family of origin birth family (as in birth mother) as | | | | closely and stated, "You sure don't look like a Haney." |
| opposed to natural family (which implies the adoptive | | | | I smiled back, shook my head, and said, "I sure |
| family is unnatural or artificial). Many people will have | | | | don't." I knew what she really wanted to know. But |
| the best of intentions but use terms that confuse or | | | | at that moment I was completely my mother's |
| hurt children. | | | | daughter. |
| If your family adopted internationally, you have | | | | |