| This is an article on how adoptive parents can help a | | | | serve as an anchor, offering consistency and stability. |
| child adopted from another country adjust to their | | | | As an immigration lawyer, I know the first part of |
| new surroundings. Although it's not a legal issue, I've | | | | adopting a child from another country is ensuring that |
| found in my capacity as an immigration lawyer that | | | | they can come to America and be part of a loving |
| children who come institutional settings face extreme | | | | family. The second part is that all-important period of |
| challenges in adjusting to family life in another | | | | adjustment for all. |
| country. | | | | Finding a Friend |
| Often such children have limited or no family | | | | Connecting with a child who is going through or has |
| experience and they are used to their own culture | | | | gone through a similar experience can be very helpful. |
| and to a life that involves schedules and experiences | | | | Your new family member will have someone in their |
| that are disconnected from what one would consider | | | | life with whom they can readily identify and who will |
| normal family life. Here are five strategies that you | | | | understand what they are going through. Try to help |
| can use to help your new family member adjust. | | | | them connect with that person. |
| Daily Routine is Important | | | | School |
| Creating a daily routine will give the child confidence | | | | If the child is middle of high school age, then they |
| and help them adjust. If they are constantly | | | | should be enrolled fairly quickly. Do not have them |
| regulating their daily schedule to a different time for | | | | put into classes that offer English as a second |
| dinner, bed, bath or other such activities or situations, | | | | language. They will adjust much more quickly if they |
| then they'll be confused. Along with a routine, you | | | | are mainstreamed. With elementary age children, you |
| need to make the child feel at home and make them | | | | may need to take some time before enrolling them. |
| a part of the family. They should not be the center | | | | But you do want them going to school as soon as |
| of attention. | | | | they can. |
| Make them Part of Your Extended Family | | | | Set Limits |
| Slowly but gradually make sure that they get to | | | | All kids need limits and a child coming from an |
| know various members of your extended family such | | | | institutional setting to a new country certainly |
| as uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins, etc. This will | | | | requires a strong framework in which they can |
| help ground them and give them reference points in | | | | function. Don't buy them everything they want or let |
| terms of their new family and setting. Don't do this all | | | | them do anything they want. Treat them with |
| at once. You may have good intentions, but it's very | | | | respect and set reasonable limits that will allow them |
| easy for a child to be overwhelmed. It's essential | | | | to develop confidence and be a part of the family. |
| that the new family member is welcomed by and | | | | With older kids, set limits as to how long they can be |
| interacts with all close family members. | | | | out and where they can go. Get to know their |
| Use the Home as an Anchor | | | | friends. Remember, you are the parent. |
| Make the home the central part of their existence. | | | | Television Vs. Extracurricular Activities |
| At first, you should avoid big trips such a going to | | | | As far as television goes, you have to make sure |
| Disney World, traveling to the Grand Canyon or going | | | | that the child is watching programming that is |
| on some other such adventure. These types of trips | | | | appropriate. Violent, over stimulating programs or |
| and activities will come in time. | | | | shows that teach or show irresponsible or |
| At least one parent should be at home with a young | | | | inappropriate behavior should be avoided. Television |
| child at all times. Do not enroll the child in daycare or | | | | sends cultural messages that influence all children and |
| hire a nanny. Older children should be mainstreamed | | | | that can be especially influential to kids who are |
| into your local school system but when at home one | | | | experiencing our culture for the first time. |
| parent should be with them. For how long should you | | | | Involve the new member of your family in a sport, |
| do this? The minimum would be at least the first two | | | | art or craft. Maybe they'd love to play soccer, |
| to three months. But it is partly dependent upon the | | | | basketball or hockey? Perhaps they'd like to learn to |
| child and the situation from which they have come. | | | | play the guitar, paint or dance? Or maybe they'd |
| Language Transition | | | | enjoy a craft? By the way-video games don't count. |
| Speak to the child in their language as much as | | | | Rewards |
| possible while also engaging them in English. Don't | | | | Set rewards for progress in school, good behavior |
| insist that they learn English immediately. That will | | | | and being involved in chores. Punish bad behavior but |
| happen in time and often it happens fairly quickly. | | | | don't go overboard. You're trying to help the new |
| Food Transition | | | | member of your family adapt to family life, learn |
| Try to include foods that the child is used to eating. | | | | limits, build self-confidence and learn responsibility. |
| Slowly add new foods to their diet. Don't ban junk | | | | Common Sense |
| and fast food but set limits. Children coming from | | | | The families I've worked with as an immigration |
| institutional settings tend to want foods that they | | | | lawyer all acknowledge that using common sense in |
| have not had access to, including sweets, foods high | | | | this process is essential. I understand that the initially |
| in fat and sugar drinks. Be responsible in allowing | | | | parents involved in inter-country adoption are |
| these items. | | | | focused on making sure that the child can immigrate |
| Stability is Key | | | | to America and have a good family life. Then there is |
| Each of these five areas focuses on providing the | | | | the essential time of adjustment, which will determine |
| newest member of your family with a home that can | | | | future success. |