| piece of paper, or a flickering cursor stares back at | | | | Don’t write down to a birthmother |
| you as you sit and think. How do you begin? What | | | | assuming she may not have the education you do. |
| do you say? How can you possibly convey all that is | | | | Just write as if you were speaking to a friend. You |
| in your heart as you think about adopting? This letter | | | | wouldn’t use jargon with your best friend, so |
| you are about to write will be read by one of the | | | | keep the Thesaurus on the shelf and just write |
| most important people that will come into your life- a | | | | naturally. |
| birthparent who may someday choose to place her | | | | Don’t make assumptions about what a |
| baby with your family. The enormity and importance | | | | birthparent is looking for in an adoptive family, or |
| of this letter sends you into serious writers block, | | | | pretend to be someone you aren’t. Not rich |
| and you doubt every instinct and emotion as you | | | | or famous? That is just fine with most birth families. |
| begin to put your thoughts on paper. | | | | PBPs are as unique as you are, and a connection |
| Sound familiar? Congratulations, you have joined the | | | | based on honesty and mutual desires will be a deep |
| thousands of hopeful adoptive parents that have | | | | and lasting one. |
| faced the same struggle. Writing your Adoptive | | | | Don’t hide religious convictions (or lack |
| Family Profile is without a doubt one the most | | | | thereof), step-children, or anything else. How will she |
| difficult things you will ever write, and unquestionable | | | | feel when she finally does learn of your omission? |
| one of the most important. A well written and | | | | Don’t list your family and cousins by name and |
| produced profile is the most important networking | | | | age- I can tell you that she really doesn’t care. |
| tool you will have, and will make or break the | | | | You do, but she doesn’t. Save that |
| success of your adoption journey. | | | | information for an album you can give her later on. |
| Your first step to writing a great adoption profile? | | | | Don’t be afraid to share a few faults. One of |
| Take a deep breath, and a step back. Your first step | | | | my favorite profiles said: We know we should |
| isn’t writing, but thinking. You need to consider | | | | vacuum more often, and perhaps we order pizza |
| what is truly important to you, and what makes your | | | | more than we should, but we love to be outside with |
| family unique. Keep in mind that although many PBPs | | | | the kids and sometimes the chores just have to |
| (potential birth parents) will read your letter your goal | | | | wait. Don’t you want to get to know that |
| shouldn’t be to appeal to each and every one | | | | couple? I do, and so did the birthfamily that chose |
| of them, but to make your letter stand out to the | | | | them. |
| RIGHT birthparents for your family. Just like you, | | | | Don’t be afraid to call in the professionals. If |
| they are unique in their hopes and desires as they | | | | you are just plain stuck or want personal attention in |
| search for a family, and just like you they have | | | | the process there are many services available to |
| unique interests and concerns. When that special | | | | assist you. Find someone who shares your beliefs |
| birthparent reads your letter you want her or him to | | | | about adoption, and who isn’t trying to fit you |
| envision their child growing up with you, and no one | | | | into a mold to make their job easier. |
| else but you. | | | | DO tell stories as you write, don’t just run |
| If you are working with an agency, facilitator or | | | | down a list of accomplishments. Especially when |
| attorney they will give you a set of | | | | accompanied by photos these little vignettes are |
| recommendations for your profile. They all will differ | | | | often the stars of the show. Capturing a scene or |
| in the length they like to see, what they want | | | | special moment creates a memory for the potential |
| included and what not to include. Remember, every | | | | birthparent as well, and those are the most often |
| client will start out with the same basic guidelines,, it | | | | remembered parts of any profile. Don’t tell |
| is your job to make sure your profile doesn’t | | | | her you live in a great neighborhood; tell her about |
| look like the rest. You will hear well-meaning advice | | | | summer evenings when everyone sits out on their |
| that will encourage you to follow a | | | | porches and the kids race bikes up and down the |
| formula’ for success- but don’t be | | | | street. Don’t tell her that Christmas is your |
| tempted to water down your quirkiness, or to avoid | | | | favorite holiday, tell her about the time the tree fell |
| taboo subjects. If you are a quirky, fun, Harley riding, | | | | over on the dog and he dragged it around the house |
| outspoken and opinionated couple then there is a | | | | until every ornament was broken. |
| birthparent out there looking for someone just like | | | | Do be specific if you have desires about an open |
| you! The technical aspects of writing your letter are | | | | relationship, gender, or anything else you feel strongly |
| not unlike what you learned in college composition | | | | about. You will hear much advice to the contrary, but |
| courses- research, outline, write, and edit. | | | | I believe that if she wants an open relationship- and |
| Often your research is one of the most | | | | you don’t- then cut to the chase and you can |
| difficult parts of writing your letter. Your research | | | | both move on to find a good match with someone |
| begins by grabbing your partner and thinking about | | | | else. Your mom was right, you can’t be |
| the things that really make you unique, and the four | | | | everything to everybody, so just be true to |
| or five main points you want to convey in the letter. | | | | yourself, and most importantly, honest with her. |
| A PBP will read 3-10 letters in a sitting, and as you | | | | DO put your soul on paper. Your profile will speak for |
| can imagine they all start to run together. Most | | | | you to birthparents and others important in your |
| everyone lives in a great home in a nice community | | | | adoption journey. Write with honesty and with purity, |
| with good schools supported by a loving family in a | | | | and your feelings will jump off the page. |
| loving marriage and is grateful for the chance to | | | | DO make sure both partners share in the writing of |
| share it all with a child. You too? There is more to | | | | the profile. Just like parenting, the adoption journey is |
| you than that, and your job is to tease it out. Think | | | | best when shared. |
| hard about four or five points you want to cover in | | | | Your last job, and one of the most important parts |
| your letter. What are the core values and interests | | | | of writing your letter is to edit. As you re-read you |
| you share? Some thoughts are spirituality, education, | | | | letter think about how a birthparent would feel as |
| family, athletics, travel, work ethic or a strange sense | | | | she or he is reading it. Will they feel you are |
| of humor. Weave these core beliefs throughout your | | | | condescending and formal or fun and upbeat? |
| letter, and make them the foundation for your text. | | | | I’ve read many letters from loving, well |
| By beginning your letter with an outline and a general | | | | meaning adoptive parents that say such things as |
| idea of the key points you want to convey you can | | | | we believe every child deserves a loving home, |
| create a concise, memorable letter that shares the | | | | and we can give that to your child (as if the |
| true essence of your family. You can expect to write | | | | birthparents can’t? Love is the one thing they |
| 3-6 pages of text and be prepared to use 15-30 | | | | have in abundance.) or after years of fertility |
| photographs in your finished profile. There is a fine | | | | treatments that haven’t worked we felt |
| balance between providing narrative on your life and | | | | called to adoption (as in, adoption wasn’t |
| interests and just rambling on and on, and you should | | | | our first, second, or third choice. It is dead last, but |
| be equally judicious in your choice of photos. | | | | please overlook that.). Be sensitive to your audience. |
| When writing your text remember that you are | | | | Now that you have a really great letter you will need |
| speaking’ to a real person- and a real | | | | to select photos, and put it all together in a readable, |
| person that is in the midst of one of the most | | | | engaging format. Our next newsletter will discuss |
| difficult times in his/her life. There is always much | | | | how to choose great photos, and how to create an |
| discussion about the do’s and | | | | eye-catching, memorable layout. Until then, enjoy the |
| don’ts of writing styles, so let me address | | | | process of writing your letter. |
| a few of those here: | | | | |