| Creating a Positive Home Atmosphere | | | | three F's (freeze, flight, or fight) and into a less |
| Be responsible for your mood and the general | | | | emotionally labile mood and to an emotional state |
| emotional atmosphere of the home | | | | that allows for positive communication and even |
| This is a hard idea for many of us to accept. "What! I | | | | some fun. |
| have to earn the living, pay the bills, run the house, | | | | Many older child adoptees have FASD, and ADHD, |
| organize everyone's lives, meet everyone's needs, do | | | | ODD, and OCD, and the rest of the alphabet, so their |
| the laundry, cook the meals and still be Susie or | | | | ability to self-regulate is practically zero - that means |
| Sidney Sunshine all day? Don't I ever get to be | | | | they need us to show them, with words and actions, |
| *real*?" Well, I agree, it's a lot to ask. But, the fact | | | | what they should be feeling and how they should be |
| is, the parents in the home are indeed the adults, and | | | | behaving. We have to create the mood for them. |
| they have to be the role models and set the tone | | | | And really folks, isn't it in your best interest to set |
| for the home. I know it often seems like our children | | | | them up to be cheerful, or at least, not hostile? And, |
| don't listen to a thing we say, but, the reality is that | | | | what if that's just too hard to do? Maybe your life |
| they take their lead from us. If the emotional | | | | has an overload of stress right now. Perhaps you are |
| atmosphere in the home is downcast, they will grab | | | | experiencing job loss, or severe financial stress, or |
| that piece of negativity and drag it to new lows. If | | | | you have an aging parent with deteriorating health, or |
| we strive to keep the emotional atmosphere of the | | | | your teen daughter just got pregnant (again)...there is |
| home upbeat and even fun, they will grab onto that | | | | so much in life that can challenge and push you, the |
| as well. | | | | parent, into negativity or depression. Well, then it's |
| Often, our kids who have been adopted post infancy | | | | time to get help for yourself. |
| don't know what to expect from moment to | | | | You need to see a counsellor or someone who can |
| moment. They have a history of rejection and abuse, | | | | allow you to safely vent and to process your |
| even if it was too early in their lives for them to | | | | feelings, as well as give you support. Then, you put |
| recall the events, it's all still embedded in their neural | | | | on your best and bravest face, and go home and |
| circuits, and their brains are on the alert for even the | | | | make that home a place where everyone knows |
| slightest signal that freeze, fight or flight needs to | | | | that family comes first and love can flourish. |
| kick in. If we greet them, in each and every | | | | Remember - Be faithful (to your children and your |
| interaction, in a way that is positive and emotionally | | | | family). Be strong (in your heart). |
| stable, they can learn to quickly move out of the | | | | |