| Over the last 20 years, many birthmoms have come | | | | lives will be put on the line if their child shows up. |
| out of the "birthmom closet" and talked about their | | | | I worked with an adoptee who searched for her |
| pasts. Many have searched for the children that they | | | | birthmother for years. She finally found her and made |
| lost to adoption, and many have reunited. These are | | | | contact and was told that she could never have a |
| women who have dealt with the past in one way or | | | | relationship because her very existence was a deep, |
| another and moved on. | | | | dark secret. |
| Unfortunately, there are still many women who | | | | The situation was devastating to the adoptee, but it |
| refuse to acknowledge what they went through, and | | | | couldn't have been easy for the birthmom either. She |
| who have kept it a secret all of their lives. For these | | | | HAD to want to know her daughter, but didn't dare |
| women, the child they bore and gave up becomes | | | | let her into her life. |
| THE secret. | | | | Historically, one of the biggest problems in adoption |
| Many of the women who worked so hard at keeping | | | | has been the secrecy. Sealed records make |
| their secret have not even shared with their husband | | | | adoptees and birthmothers alike feel like there is |
| that they had a child that was relinquished. Nobody in | | | | something to hide, otherwise why would the records |
| their life knows what happened but them. | | | | be sealed? |
| That is a huge secret to carry for such a long time, | | | | For so many years birthmoms were actually |
| and the weight of it must be enormous. I can't even | | | | encouraged to keep their experience a secret. That |
| imagine how it must feel to keep a secret like that | | | | may not be the case today, but there are still many |
| from the entire world. | | | | thousands of birthmoms keeping their secrets, |
| For this group of birthmothers, they live in fear of | | | | because they don't know any other way to handle |
| being found by the children that they gave up. They | | | | what happened to them. |
| are terrified of a knock at the door or a phone call | | | | I look forward to a time when most adoptions will be |
| that will result in their secret being revealed. | | | | open, all parties concerned with be honest and |
| How could you possibly explain to a husband of 25 or | | | | forthright with each other, and respect will be |
| 30 years why you never shared the fact that you | | | | accorded to all parties. The secrets of adoption need |
| had a child before you married them? These women | | | | to be left behind. |
| are scared to death that their marriages and family | | | | |