| I just had one of my favorite discussions about | | | | Some have multiple partners and some don't. |
| adoption. It's the one that usually starts something | | | | Some use contraception and some don't. |
| like, "What about the... mother?" | | | | Some receive regular pre-natal care and some don't. |
| I smile sweetly and say, "I am the mother. Are you | | | | Some text while driving and some don't. |
| asking about the birth mother?" | | | | Some get heartburn and hemorrhoids and morning |
| And inevitably they are. Inevitably they're asking, | | | | sickness and gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia |
| "What's her story? How can she give her baby | | | | and migraines and some don't. |
| away? Why doesn't she want it? Is she on drugs? If | | | | But all birth mothers love their babies. |
| she didn't want a child why did she let herself get | | | | All birth mothers love the life within them enough to |
| pregnant? What's wrong with her?" | | | | publicly admit their own shortcomings. |
| I don't mind those questions. Well, I've gotten used | | | | All birth mothers risk shame, judgement, grief, loss, |
| to them, anyway, and I believe that most people ask | | | | misunderstanding, and physical pain to carry a child |
| out of concern... concern for the baby, concern for | | | | for someone else. |
| my family, concern driven by the media's | | | | All birth mothers deserve respect for choosing to |
| sensationalized presentation of the occasional | | | | give life when it is clearly not the easy choice. |
| adoption-gone-wrong. | | | | I sometimes wonder what I would have done if I |
| But still, I'm working for the day when "What about | | | | had gotten pregnant as a teen or unmarried young |
| the (birth) mother?" means "How is she doing? Did | | | | woman. I wasn't ready to be a mother, and I like to |
| she have any medical complications? Is she with her | | | | think I would have had the courage and selflessness |
| family or the birth father? Does she have a | | | | to make an adoption plan for my baby, but I'm not |
| post-adoption support system in place? Is she at | | | | sure. I'm not at all sure. |
| peace with her decision? Is she OK?" | | | | So, what about "the mother"? I've jumped right back |
| That would be awesome. Because birth mothers are | | | | into the routine of parenting an infant. I'm high on the |
| as much mothers as any other women who have | | | | blessings of two fantastic kids, and with my |
| delivered children. Birth mothers get pregnant and | | | | husband's help (he's fantastic, too) I'm slowly catching |
| share their bodies to give life the same way other | | | | up on my sleep. |
| women do. | | | | As for the birth mother, she's healthy, certain, and |
| Some birth mothers smoke during pregnancy and | | | | loved by her family and friends. She's moving |
| some don't. | | | | forward, and she's very OK. |
| Some do drugs and some don't. | | | | Thanks for asking. |