| Adoption search is a complex topic. There are so | | | | birthmom search is more up in the air than an |
| many things that can happen during or at the end of | | | | adoptee search. Birthmothers are rejected by |
| a search that it boggles the mind. | | | | adoptees far more often than adoptees are rejected |
| Adoptees in search of birth families seem to have | | | | by birthmoms. A complicating factor for birthmoms is |
| the best track record. Since they have access to | | | | that once they've found their child, the adoptive |
| non-identifying information, they have an advantage | | | | parents may feel threatened by them, and when this |
| over birth family members. Their adoptive parents | | | | happens, it usually prevents any kind of a relationship |
| may also have information, even identifying | | | | from happening, sadly. |
| information, concerning their family of origin. All of this | | | | More and more often over the last few years, I've |
| can be extremely helpful in a search. | | | | seen adoptive parents helping their kids to search. |
| At the end of an adoptee's search, the situation can | | | | These kinds of searches have the best chance of a |
| go in different ways. They can find a birthmother or | | | | happy ending, since the searcher has the support of |
| other birthfamily member that welcomes them with | | | | their parents in their search. I've seen a number of |
| open arms. This is the happy ending that most | | | | wonderful reunions that came about when adoptive |
| adoptees hope for. Unfortunately, adoptees can find | | | | parents helped their children to search. When |
| that their birth family (usually their birthmother) wants | | | | everyone is involved, and adoptive family, birthfamily |
| nothing to do with them. This is most often due to | | | | and adoptee all come together as an extended |
| the fact that the birthmom has never confided to | | | | family, wonderful things happen. |
| anyone about the child that she gave up, and years | | | | The most important thing for any searcher to |
| down the road, after keeping the secret for | | | | remember is that you never know what you'll find at |
| decades, they are afraid to tell the truth. This is a | | | | the end of your search, and you need to be as |
| sad situation, but is not uncommon. Adoptees can | | | | prepared as possible for any eventuality. |
| also find at the end of their search that their | | | | If you are currently searching, and are feeling |
| birthmother is deceased. There may still be siblings | | | | stressed, why not try a little EFT to rid yourself of |
| who welcome them, but not all birthmoms go on to | | | | the stress? |
| have other children, or tell the children they have | | | | Setup Statement: |
| about "their secret". | | | | Even though I am really scared about what I may |
| A birthmother searching is more complicated. Since | | | | find at the end of my search, I deeply and |
| they are usually not entitled to non-identifying | | | | completely love and accept myself. |
| information, they often have a lot less information to | | | | Reminder Phrases: |
| use when searching. Some states have birth indexes | | | | This fear, what will I find?, this fear, searching is |
| which help in searches, but access to a birth index | | | | scary, I choose to transform this fear, into an |
| depends on the state in which the child was born. | | | | energy of healing, I choose to release negative |
| Birthmoms often have to bite the bullet, and pay a | | | | feelings, and embrace positive feelings. |
| professional searcher to find their child. The end of a | | | | |