| Rejection. It is a word that nobody involved in an | | | | but in reality their actions often alienate their children |
| adoption search wants to think about. Unfortunately, | | | | from them, and put up walls of resentment that may |
| rejection is something that every searcher needs to | | | | never be torn down. |
| consider. It happens. It is terribly sad for all | | | | Birthmothers have very different stories. Based again |
| concerned, and can emotionally deeply wound the | | | | on my experience in working with birthmoms, the |
| person being rejected, but it is one of the possible | | | | reason most often given for a birthmother rejecting |
| outcomes of any search. | | | | her child is that the birth of that child has always |
| Having personally been through a 7 year search | | | | been a deep, dark secret. Birthmoms are sometimes |
| myself, and having held the hands of hundreds of | | | | so shamed by what they've been through that they |
| searching adoptees and birthmothers, I know how | | | | never tell a living soul about the baby they had and |
| common it is for searchers to say that they're | | | | relinquished. They marry, and don't tell their husband. |
| prepared for any outcome in their search. The reality | | | | They have more children, and don't tell them. To |
| is that you can never truly be prepared for rejection. | | | | these birthmoms, it's like it never happened. |
| If you're an adoptee, how can the woman who | | | | Suddenly, out of the blue, a son or daughter calls |
| abandoned you once already abandon you still again? | | | | them on the phone, and they go into instant panic. |
| If you're a birthmother, how can the son or daughter | | | | To tell their husband after so many years that they |
| to whom you gave birth totally turn their back on | | | | weren't honest with them is unthinkable. They can't |
| you? There can be so many reasons, and knowing | | | | figure out any way out of their situation, so they |
| those reasons can help to better prepare you for | | | | turn away the son or daughter that they desperately |
| whatever outcome your search may have. | | | | want to know, because they're afraid their family will |
| In my 17 years of working with adoptees, it has | | | | be torn apart if they don't. |
| been my experience that adoptees most often | | | | There is so much pain for a person being rejected |
| reject their birth families because of guilt over their | | | | that it's nearly unbearable. No matter how well you |
| adoptive parents, or direct pressure from their | | | | may think that you're prepared for any eventuality in |
| parents. There seem to be 2 distinct flavors of | | | | your search, you are not prepared for rejection. I |
| adoptive parents, those who understand their child's | | | | personally lived with this kind of pain for 5 years, |
| need/desire to search, and support it, and those who | | | | before finding an EFT practitioner that could help me |
| go into a panic at the very thought of their child | | | | to work it through. Thanks to EFT, I can discuss my |
| searching for their birth family. | | | | rejection by my son without emotionally falling apart. |
| Supportive parents understand that by standing | | | | Prior to those sessions, I couldn't even bear to think |
| behind their son or daughter in their search and | | | | about that subject. |
| possible reunion, they are strengthening bonds of | | | | If you've been rejected too, and are feeling that |
| love, and showing that the needs of their child is | | | | unbearable pain, there can be relief for you too. In |
| important to them. | | | | situations like this, the relief is so intense that |
| Unsupportive parents have often not had close and | | | | afterward you can't imagine how you got through |
| loving relationships with their children, and they feel | | | | each day without EFT. |
| threatened by a potential reunion. Out of fear of | | | | Don't do what I did if you've been rejected. Get your |
| losing their child to his/her birth parents, these | | | | life back, get your emotional balance back, and learn |
| adoptive parents frequently lay a heavy guilt trip on | | | | to smile again. |
| their kids. Their goal is to strengthen their relationship, | | | | |