| The key to understanding and successfully parenting | | | | to act perfect, bond and seamlessly become a |
| an abandoned baby/child is educating yourself of | | | | permanent family member? |
| what your baby/child has learned. | | | | 7. Do I have knowledge of the effects of |
| Adopting is an overwhelming, joyous and life changing | | | | institutionalism? |
| experience; however adopting an abandoned child | | | | 8. Do I have knowledge of attachment disorders? |
| that deserves a second chance will be one of the | | | | 9. Am I familiar with adoption? |
| most rewarding experiences you will ever have. | | | | 10. Am I aware of the complexity of the issues that |
| However, doing so should not be taken lightly and | | | | will arise? |
| deserves education, awareness and understanding. | | | | 11. Do I have a support system? (Other parents who |
| A typical abandoned child has been placed on a | | | | have adopted an abandoned child). |
| doorstep; side of road or left in a public building. | | | | 12. Am I able to communicate honestly and positively |
| Luckily, the baby/child survives and they are moved | | | | with my child when they ask questions about their |
| into a life of institutionalism until they are permanently | | | | abandonment? |
| adopted. | | | | 13. Can I support my child in their need to search for |
| As you make this decision, what can you do to | | | | their biological roots? |
| prepare yourself for this imminent arrival? Better yet, | | | | 14. Can I accept that since my child has no history |
| are you equipped to raise a child ridden with | | | | they may have health issues arrise? |
| institutionalism and attachment disorders? Can you be | | | | 15. Can I accept that my child may have |
| honest within yourself to realize it is too foreign to | | | | developmental delays? |
| understand and that you should not adopt an | | | | These questions may seem daunting and foreign; |
| abandoned baby? These children that have not been | | | | however adopting an abandoned child with little or no |
| equipped with a "normal" start in life with their | | | | tools will prove even more daunting and foreign. The |
| maternal bond in tact do not come unscathed. | | | | key to understanding your abandoned child/baby is |
| The agencies gloss over the details (which are usually | | | | analyzing what they have learned following their |
| limited in an abandoned baby case), and as they paint | | | | abandonment. |
| a life of roses and optimism (and ask for their fees), | | | | Although today's orphanages do their best to create |
| they promote the physical attributes of the child. | | | | a positive experience for the baby/child, it is still |
| However, what about the emotional attributes of the | | | | agreed that an orphanage is not an appropriate and |
| child? They have educated you on the effects of | | | | healthy place for any person to begin their life. In |
| adoption; however abandonment is a completely | | | | those closed walls, lets examine what the baby/child |
| different and separate trauma. | | | | learns. As the baby/child lays in the orphanage, |
| Vital questions to ask yourself before you consider | | | | perhaps not having every cry and need met, they |
| adopting an abandoned baby/child: | | | | internalize rage. They cry at first and develop strong |
| 1. How would I feel if my biological mother/father | | | | coping skills and learn they can not rely upon their |
| abandoned me on a doorstep? | | | | caregivers. Within time, their coping skills round their |
| 2. How would I feel if I laid alone in an unfamiliar | | | | personalities - they are in survival mode. What is |
| orphanage with no bonding for the first 4,5,6, 12 | | | | survival mode? Well, this is something many parents |
| months of my life? | | | | of abandoned parents |
| 3. What would I have learned by these traumatic | | | | Reach out to other adoptive parents of abandoned |
| experiences? How would this trauma shape and | | | | children and get their advice. Additionally, reach out to |
| forever change my personality? | | | | abandoned adults and learn from them. |
| 4. Did the child suffer from malnutrition; abuse; | | | | Since abandonment is rare, adoption agencies are not |
| severe neglect? How would I feel and react? | | | | equipped enough to provide you with tools. This |
| 5. How would I feel once I taught myself to cope | | | | opportunity of self exploration will serve you well and |
| within the orphanage and then I was uprooted by | | | | will provide you a chance to learn, grow and make |
| strangers adopting me into their home? | | | | the wisest decision yet. |
| 6. How would I feel if these strangers expected me | | | | |